I have been writing about lessons that Josh and I have learned about parenting newly adopted children throughout our adoptions. We have brought home seven kids through transracial adoption and are working on number eight, and have certainly learned a thing or two. :)

One of the most important things that we have learned is the need to be flexible when your new child comes home.

It is great (and very important) to read the books and the articles and to be prepared for what needs, issues, emotions and behaviors your child may have when he is placed with... more

Another lesson that Josh and I have learned through our adoptions is how important food can be to a child.

We often talk about "comfort food", and how eating something that we enjoy and that is familiar can make us feel good inside. To a child whose entire life has been turned upside down, having some familiar food can be extremely comforting.

Josh and I have seen this in all of our transracial adoptions (not counting the two infant adoptions). Even our two daughters who were adopted domestically struggled with the huge change in diet they experienced... more

Another important lesson that Josh and I have learned through our adoptions is that communication is super important. If your transracial adoption is an international adoption (as many are) and English is not your child's primary language, I strongly suggest that you spend some time learning some phrases and words in your child's first language.

Now, I am certainly not saying that you need to go out and buy a course in learning how to speak another language and become completely fluent. Honestly, the most effective and useful words for you to learn are... more

One of the lessons that Josh and I learned the hard way came with our second adoption, little Amanda from Korea.

Amanda came home from Korea at almost two years of age, and she was escorted to us, so the entire family went to pick her up at the airport. Since we live three hours from the airport, we decided to stay a night in a hotel so we could have fun getting to know each other without the long drive.

Amanda came with a bag full of goodies, including bottles and formula. Since the formula and the instructions were in Korean (which I do not read real well), and since we already had milk for Maggie and we figured that since Amanda was almost two she didn't need baby formula... more

As I have been writing about and thinking about "new additions" a lot lately, I thought that I would share some of our experiences and some of the lessons we have learned with bringing home our new additions.

One of the things that Belane taught me early on is that you have to be a parent from day one. While it is important to remember all that these kids are going through and you're definitely going to be more lenient than usual, you also need to establish yourself as the parent, even though it will likely result in your child rebelling.

On day three of having Belane with us we went to lunch. I had a bag of animal crackers to keep her happy while we waited. She was holding... more

I have been writing about "mother hunger" in my last couple of posts, and how newly adopted children often have very intense needs for love, attention and physical contact from their new parents.

I got a comment on one of those posts from a mom who just brought home a new eleven month old and is having struggles with nap time. Here is her question and comment:

We just brought home an 11month little boy from Ethiopia a week ago. This time home has been fraught with ear infections, stomach trouble and sleeplessness. We have tried having him... more

In my last post I wrote about how newly adopted children often have very intense "mother hunger", or a need to be loved and receive lots of (almost constant) attention from their new mother (and/or father). My dear friend described it as her daughter having a cavern in her heart, that needed to be filled with the love of a mother.

Newly adopted children do have a strong need to be loved, and while each child may display this in different ways, it is usually a challenge for new parents to give... more

One of my dearest friends recently wrote the most beautiful blog post about her six year-old daughter that came home last spring. In that post she wrote about a concept that really stuck with me and really "applies" to children being adopted.

She wrote about her daughter's "mother hunger", and how although her daughter had been loved and cared for, she had this cavern in her heart that was waiting to be filled by a mom. She then went on to talk about her daughter's fierce "hunger" for mom attention once she came home, and how her needs were so "desperate and intense"... more

I recently wrote a post titled "Preparing for the Worst" (which was followed by posts titled "Hoping for the Best" and "Reality is Usually in the Middle").

A reader left a comment on my "Preparing for the Worst" post, and asked how do you deal with challenging issues so that they don't get worse and asked if they could be dealt with.

I wanted to address this question in a post since I think it is an important question.

One... more

I have been writing about how I believe that transracial adoptive parents need to "prepare for the worst", and yet at the same time, "hope for the best", when it comes to their child's adjustment into their new family.

The third aspect to this is that while you should prepare for the worst and hope for the best, you should know that reality will most likely fall somewhere in the middle.

While there are no firm numbers on these things, it is only a very small percentage of adopted children that end up having severe... more