I have a couple of “deep thinking” type articles related to transracial adoption that I want to tackle, but since I got a “request”, (and it’s on a topic that is a lot more fun to write about) I decided to write about this today. For those of you on Belane overload, I apologize.

Here is the “request"(thanks Jen!)

Here's a post idea for you (and it's Belane related): How do you envision your first few days home with her? Will you schedule doctor appointments and such or will you simply stay at home with her? Do you have things you will do with her to introduce her to the other kids? You get the idea!

One of my dear friends who has adopted even... more

So which school of thought is right when it comes to sharing your child's story, or not sharing your child's story? It depends. As I said in my last post, as with so many other topics, there is just no one right answer.

I do think that any "right" answer has to have at the core, respect for the child's privacy and feelings. However, there are many ways to handle this while still respecting and protecting the child.

For us, “right” is somewhere in the middle.

I like to share our adoption stories, as it is my sincere hope and prayer that by sharing our stories, I can inspire others to adopt. I want to advocate for kids…older kids, waiting kids, minority kids and special... more

In “adoption land” there are quite a few “hot button topics” that people tend to feel very strongly about one way or another, and if you belong to any email groups or message boards, you know how heated conversations can get on topics such as circumcision, naming adopted children, etc.

One of these topics that I would like to tackle is how you choose to share your child’s story. There are those who are very guarded about their child’s background and history, refusing to share information with anyone, even close family, as to why their child was available for adoption, etc. until the child is old enough to choose whether to share that information or not.

On the opposite side... more

Today is my Maggie’s fifth birthday. Josh often refers to Maggie as “the one that started it all” because she was our very first adoption.

In 2001, Josh and I had three biological sons, who were five, three and two years old. We had taken permanent measures to ensure that we would not be having any more children the “old-fashioned way”, as pregnancy was dangerous to me because of injuries I sustained in a riding accident.

And yet I knew we had more children out there (it’s probably a good thing at that point that I didn’t know how... more

Over on the transracial adoption message board, I found a post about an interesting research project being done by a professor at George Mason University.

The name of the project is “Transnational Adoption and Changing Faces of American Families” and it is being conducted by Prof. Linda J. Seligmann in the Department of Sociology and Antropology.

The website describes the project like this…

This... more

Routine and Structure- Toddlers crave structure. They are creatures of habit. They crave routine and familiarity. They very easily get “out of whack” when their routine or structure is changed.

If you are already a parent, think for just a minute about how “off” your toddler can be if they miss a nap or miss a meal, or spend a long time in the car, etc. Keeping that in mind, it is easy to understand just how “off” a toddler that might be that all of a sudden finds himself with new people in a new place, being fed new foods, sleeping in a new place, hearing a new language, etc. etc. etc.

Establishing a predictable routine, especially around meal times, nap time and bed time,... more

(continued from previous posts on Toddler Adoption)

Grieving- Be prepared for your toddler to grieve. No matter what conditions they are coming from, it will be the life that is familiar to them, and it will be a huge change and transition for them. We had friends adopt a 3 year old girl from a Russian orphanage and they could not understand how she could be missing this place that was “awful” in their eyes, but to their daughter who didn’t know anything different, it was home.

It is important to remember that early neglect and/or abuse and multiple placements and “breaks” in attachments can also leave toddlers feeling insecure and can lead to some very challenging behaviors.... more

So, from what I have read and what I have learned from our personal experiences, here are some tips on the special challenges that toddlers often face in adoption, and some ideas on how to handle them. Many of these issues are not unique to toddlers, (nor is a lot of the advise).

Language- A typical toddler is often labeled as “terrible two” because of their behavior that usually results from frustration in not being able to communicate what they want, or to plead their case when the answer “no” is given. If you think about it, if your 7 year old asks for a glass of milk and you say, “no, we’re going to eat dinner in a few minutes”, that child has the ability to understand what you... more

(continued from previous post)

When Amanda arrived from Korea, she was tired, hot, sweaty, overwhelmed, confused…just what you would expect. That first day she was very quiet, and we got glimpses of the girl that she was, as she ran off down the hallway after a sibling, bonked a brother with a balloon, or giggled with Maggie over something funny. Within a few days she got VERY clingy with me…not wanting to be put down or to let me out of her site.

And, she got petrified of Josh. She wanted nothing to do with him, and she was so afraid of him that she would tremble. When he walked into the room she would point her little finger at him very subtly and would then very slightly... more

Toddlers are interesting creatures. In my opinion, they get a bad wrap with that whole “terrible two’s” thing…but there is no doubt that parenting a toddler is different than parenting a baby or an older child, and it therefore stands to reason that adopting a toddler is going to be different than adopting a baby or a toddler.

It is true that adopting toddlers presents unique challenges and difficulties, requires unique strategies and understandings, and also comes with unique rewards and benefits.

I am not an expert on this, but we have adopted one toddler, and in preparation for toddler adoption number two, I have been doing a lot of reading and preparing. I can highly recommend... more