Along with my last two posts on having empathy and on the importance of stability and structure, I add a few more thoughts on advice I give to parents expecting a new child through the miracle of adoption.

-Be prepared. Do your homework and your reading BEFORE your child comes home. It is a lot easier to read those books and articles while you are anxiously waiting for your child, than it is once your child is home and you are busy with parenting. Know what is normal and what is likely and how the experts recommend handling things. When you’ve read about how to handle a difficult behavior and understand why a child would behave that way, it makes it a lot easier to deal with, and to... more

In my last post I talked about empathy, and how important it is to have empathy when you new child comes home. In this post I am going to talk about structure and stability, which are two more things that will help your child’s and your family’s adjustments.

Kids need structure and stability. When a child’s life has some level of structure and stability and predictability to it, that life feels safe. This is extra-important to children who are newly adopted and often feel like their lives are out of control.

Children like to know “what is coming next”. They take comfort in knowing the basic layout of the day…when they will eat, when they will play, when they will sleep, etc.... more

I’ve been asked a lot lately about advice for what to do once a new child arrives home. Most of this information should be helpful for families adopting children of all ages, but some of it is obviously relevant for toddlers or older children. My first piece of advice is…

Have Empathy- I know that this one sounds like a no-brainer, but with all the excitement that leads up to the adoption and then the process itself, which often involves travel and more excitement, and then actually having a new child…it is all exhausting! And when a parent gets exhausted, it is easy to become impatient. Plus, I know many adoptive parents who have gone into an adoption ill-prepared, and in that situation... more

I get asked a lot what to expect when your new child comes home, and I have to say that I do have quite a bit of experience in bringing home new children. I have lots of advice on things to do and things not to do…ways to prepare, and ways to survive. But when it comes down to what to expect, I can sum up my advice in a one word answer.

Nothing.

My advice is don’t expect a thing. (Aren’t you glad you aren’t paying for this advice?)

Now wait, hear me out. It is very easy to go into an adoption with expectations. Even when we are told not to, it is hard not to develop some expectations along the way. However, this is setting you and your new child(ren) up for trouble.

The... more

If you do any research online about adoption, you are sure to come across articles/blogs/stories written by now adult-adoptees who shed a lot of light on what the early generations of adoptive parents “did wrong”.

Years ago adoption was a “big dark secret” that often was kept from a child who somehow still sensed something was “different” about them. Often this secret came out later in life with difficult affects on all involved, but especially the adoptee. Today, adoption is openly discussed. It is no longer a dark secret to be ashamed about, but something many people celebrate. Beyond being discussed in a family, many adoptions today are now “open”, where the birth family and adoptive... more

Those of you who know me, even if it is only through my writings, know that I am mostly a “glass half-full, look on the bright side, the sun will come out tomorrow eternal optimist”, who likes to give people the benefit of the doubt, let bygones be bygones, look on the sunny side of life and forgive and forget.

So forgive me if this late night post doesn’t sound a lot like the usual me. Even us happy gals need to vent once in a while.

Can I just say how sick I am of people that feel like they have to tear me and my family down? Can I say how tired I am of people who seem to think that they know better about what is right for Josh and I and our children? Of people who feel obligated... more

Most of life’s big events involve planning and preparation. Weddings and marriage, buying a home, giving birth to a child, etc. all require a decent amount of preparation, and adoption is no different.

If you are adopting transracially, there is an even greater importance of preparing for your adoption. Adoption.com has a great article on their website titled "Prepare for a Transracial Adoption".

This article is great if you are just starting out on your adoption journey, and is also a great “refresher” if your child or children are already... more

Hair... Hair is one of the big issues when it comes to transracial adoption, especially if the child you are adopting is black. Black cultures take great pride in their hair and in their children's hair, and caring for black hair properly and styling it well takes practice, which is something us white ladies usually don't have a lot of.

To be perfectly honest, when we were waiting for Marcus (our African American baby boy) to be born, we weren't completely sure he would be a boy, and I secretly hoped that he would, so I would not have to worry about learning how to do a little black girl's hair. Well, three months later God had a good belly laugh as he blessed us with Mercy and Des,... more

It's Monday again and we had another great weekend. We all went to the movies on Friday night to see "Pirates of the Caribbean Two" and then on Saturday, Josh took the four older boys on a day trip to buy supplies for the bathroom we are remodeling (our nearest Home Depot is two hours away) and to see the Superman movie.

To take advantage of "girl time" the girls and I (and Marcus...) went out to lunch, and then went and rented a few "girlie" movies and got some snacks. It was an afternoon of mermaids and princesses and giggling, and we had a lot of fun (as did the boys!). I did have a really funny moment while we were at lunch. I was sitting there eating with the four girls and Marcus,... more

In some recent “blog surfing”, which I do once in a while to check out other blogs, see what is making headlines and getting ideas for my own blog, I came across this post on the Chunk O Funk blog. Chunk is a dad that writes about his life (and is not, as I can tell, an adoptive dad).

But he had an experience that reminded me of something that adoptive parents do need to keep in the back of their minds and be prepared for.

Chunk was out in the world with his son, and at the end of a long day, his son had a typical pre-schooler melt down when he dropped a candy out of him mouth and his dad threw it... more