Over on the birth/first parents blog there was a recent post by Maja, called “Sinners or Saints?”

In this post Maja talks about how birth parents are often depicted as either sinners or saints for their decisions and the fact that they made an adoption plan for their child.

I have to say that when I was reading this it made me think that it is often the same for us adoptive parents! I get very tired of both strains of thinking, to be perfectly honest.

I cannot count the times... more

One of the things that has been on my mind the last couple of days is something that was said in the podcast I talked about...

One of the things that was said, is that as big and important as the issues of race, ethnicity and culture are to children and parents in a transracial family, that 95-98% of the time, you are just Mom and Dad, and they are just your kids, and life goes on just like any other family. I know that I have plenty of days that I sort of “forget” that some of my kids are adopted. Not that I really “forget” that, but when I look at them I just see my kids.

Most... more

Lately we have been working on having quality family conversations at the dinner table, and not just a string of funny comments from the boys and me saying things like, “Maggie put your feet down.” or “Nathan chew with your mouth closed, please.”

I got some great ideas at a “Family Reading Night” hosted by one of our schools and we have enjoyed them a lot. One of the recommendations on fostering quality family talk at the table was to hang a world map somewhere near to the table. We happened to win one at the reading night, and it is great! It is a huge world wall map, which even has all of the flags for all of the countries on the map. My internationally adopted kids love to find... more

One of the things that come up a lot when people start talking about adoption is bonding. Will the child bond to you? How are they bonding? How do we help them bond easily? These are all questions that are heard a lot.

From a mom that has been there and done that, I can tell you that one of the best ways to promote bonding, between parents and child and between siblings, is to have fun together as a family.

There are lots of great books on attachment and lots of great tips. Making eye contact, lots of physical contact, limiting caregivers, etc. are all effective.... more

Here is something that I think all transracial families need to embrace. Transracial families are not second best. I believe that with all my heart. I don’t think I could be the best mom that I possibly could for my kids if I was always thinking deep down that I was the “second best” choice for my kids,

Don’t get me wrong. I am not naïve, and I completely understand that in a perfect world, transracial adoption (or any type of adoption) would not exist. I know that in a perfect world, all children would be born to parents that wanted them, loved them and could provide for them. Abuse, neglect, poverty, unplanned pregnancies, drug abuse, illnesses, etc. would not exist and would not... more

Of all the bits of parenting advice I could give, here is one that I have learned to be essential to all parents.

Trust your motherly (or fatherly!) instincts!!!

We had a situation arise with a doctor this past week that reaffirmed to me how important it is for moms and dads to listen to their “gut”. Listen to that little voice in your head that pops up once and awhile. Listen to your instincts and trust them, even if they don’t necessarily go along with what the “experts” might say.

Whether it is a medical issue, an educational issue, an adoption issue, a discipline issue or any of the other eight million issues that arise in a family, remember to trust in yourself... more

I don’t know if there is anything more important that you can do with your kids than talk. All kids need to have open lines of communication, with their parents, but adopted children, and especially transracially-adopted children, need it even more than most.

If you have done any research at all…if you have read any books or read any articles from adult transracial adoptees, it seems that the number one “complaint” is that their families didn’t talk. They didn’t talk about adoption. They didn’t talk about race and they didn’t talk about all the other issues and feelings wrapped up in those things.

Here is an article from Adoption.com http://transracial.adoption.com/interracial/race-and-my-family.html... more

Somehow in all of our discussions about “rude questions” I forgot the worst comment I ever got. I mean, the absolute, without a doubt most ridiculously rude comment anyone has ever said around me.

When we had just adopted our seventh and eight children, two African American sisters who were 9 and 6 years old at the time, a woman (from our church no less), said that…are you ready for this????… She said, “It isn’t fair that you are adopting all of these needy children because you are making other people look bad.”

I was truly, truly speechless. (And those of you that know me well, know that speechless is definitely NOT a condition that I run into very often.)

I can’t... more

Bringing Ben home has me thinking about food a lot lately. Being in a different country made me realize just how much comfort we people get from food. At the end of our week-stay in Addis, and after a week of eating almost entirely Ethiopian food, I was in a restaurant that brought me an international menu with a “chicken sandwich” on it. They brought it out and it was grilled chicken breast on toast, and it tasted so good and so “familiar” I could’ve cried!

It wasn’t that I didn’t like the Ethiopian food…in fact there were quite a few things I did enjoy. But it just wasn’t “my food”. It was kind of like when I went on a cruise with my sister in high school…we spent a week eating all... more

I think that "worry" is just a part of parenthood, and when you are the parent in a transracial adoption, you have a lot more "worries" than the average parent. Face it, just facing the routine challenges of teething, weaning, potty training, separation anxiety, fevers, colds, ear infections, that horrible first day of Kindergarten (for Mom), bed-time battles, homework, school bullies, braces, letting go, talking back, the facts of life and EIGHT MILLION other things that parents have to deal with, is A LOT. Then add in to that worries about bonding, attachment, culture, heritage, ethnicity, pride, self-esteem, prejudice, birth families and all the other added issues that come in a transracial... more