Fall has always been my favorite time of year. I love the fall colors. I love the cooler weather. I love Halloween and the promise of the holidays just around the corner.

This fall has been made extra special by the fact that it is Belane's first fall with us (she came home last November, but the weather is definitely winter around here by then). Halloween is feeling extra special to me too, partly because it is Belane's first Halloween, and partly because I was stuck in Ethiopia for last Halloween and missed spending one of my favorite and one of the most fun... more

While earlier in this Transracial Adoption ABCs series I wrote about adopting teenagers, today, the letter "T" is for toddlers.

Toddlers - Toddler adoption is a unique type of adoption. Many people make the false assumption that adopting a toddler is simply adopting a bigger baby or an older baby, and that line of thinking can cause problems.

When you read parenting books and articles, teens and toddlers seem to get the reputations for being the challenging... more

Routine and Structure- Toddlers crave structure. They are creatures of habit. They crave routine and familiarity. They very easily get “out of whack” when their routine or structure is changed.

If you are already a parent, think for just a minute about how “off” your toddler can be if they miss a nap or miss a meal, or spend a long time in the car, etc. Keeping that in mind, it is easy to understand just how “off” a toddler that might be that all of a sudden finds himself with new people in a new place, being fed new foods, sleeping in a new place, hearing a new language, etc. etc. etc.

Establishing a predictable routine, especially around meal times, nap time and bed time,... more

(continued from previous posts on Toddler Adoption)

Grieving- Be prepared for your toddler to grieve. No matter what conditions they are coming from, it will be the life that is familiar to them, and it will be a huge change and transition for them. We had friends adopt a 3 year old girl from a Russian orphanage and they could not understand how she could be missing this place that was “awful” in their eyes, but to their daughter who didn’t know anything different, it was home.

It is important to remember that early neglect and/or abuse and multiple placements and “breaks” in attachments can also leave toddlers feeling insecure and can lead to some very challenging behaviors.... more

So, from what I have read and what I have learned from our personal experiences, here are some tips on the special challenges that toddlers often face in adoption, and some ideas on how to handle them. Many of these issues are not unique to toddlers, (nor is a lot of the advise).

Language- A typical toddler is often labeled as “terrible two” because of their behavior that usually results from frustration in not being able to communicate what they want, or to plead their case when the answer “no” is given. If you think about it, if your 7 year old asks for a glass of milk and you say, “no, we’re going to eat dinner in a few minutes”, that child has the ability to understand what you... more

(continued from previous post)

When Amanda arrived from Korea, she was tired, hot, sweaty, overwhelmed, confused…just what you would expect. That first day she was very quiet, and we got glimpses of the girl that she was, as she ran off down the hallway after a sibling, bonked a brother with a balloon, or giggled with Maggie over something funny. Within a few days she got VERY clingy with me…not wanting to be put down or to let me out of her site.

And, she got petrified of Josh. She wanted nothing to do with him, and she was so afraid of him that she would tremble. When he walked into the room she would point her little finger at him very subtly and would then very slightly... more

Toddlers are interesting creatures. In my opinion, they get a bad wrap with that whole “terrible two’s” thing…but there is no doubt that parenting a toddler is different than parenting a baby or an older child, and it therefore stands to reason that adopting a toddler is going to be different than adopting a baby or a toddler.

It is true that adopting toddlers presents unique challenges and difficulties, requires unique strategies and understandings, and also comes with unique rewards and benefits.

I am not an expert on this, but we have adopted one toddler, and in preparation for toddler adoption number two, I have been doing a lot of reading and preparing. I can highly recommend... more