(continued from previous posts on Toddler Adoption)

Grieving- Be prepared for your toddler to grieve. No matter what conditions they are coming from, it will be the life that is familiar to them, and it will be a huge change and transition for them. We had friends adopt a 3 year old girl from a Russian orphanage and they could not understand how she could be missing this place that was “awful” in their eyes, but to their daughter who didn’t know anything different, it was home.

It is important to remember that early neglect and/or abuse and multiple placements and “breaks” in attachments can also leave toddlers feeling insecure and can lead to some very challenging behaviors.... more

(continued from previous post)

When Amanda arrived from Korea, she was tired, hot, sweaty, overwhelmed, confused…just what you would expect. That first day she was very quiet, and we got glimpses of the girl that she was, as she ran off down the hallway after a sibling, bonked a brother with a balloon, or giggled with Maggie over something funny. Within a few days she got VERY clingy with me…not wanting to be put down or to let me out of her site.

And, she got petrified of Josh. She wanted nothing to do with him, and she was so afraid of him that she would tremble. When he walked into the room she would point her little finger at him very subtly and would then very slightly... more

Toddlers are interesting creatures. In my opinion, they get a bad wrap with that whole “terrible two’s” thing…but there is no doubt that parenting a toddler is different than parenting a baby or an older child, and it therefore stands to reason that adopting a toddler is going to be different than adopting a baby or a toddler.

It is true that adopting toddlers presents unique challenges and difficulties, requires unique strategies and understandings, and also comes with unique rewards and benefits.

I am not an expert on this, but we have adopted one toddler, and in preparation for toddler adoption number two, I have been doing a lot of reading and preparing. I can highly recommend... more

Along with my last two posts on having empathy and on the importance of stability and structure, I add a few more thoughts on advice I give to parents expecting a new child through the miracle of adoption.

-Be prepared. Do your homework and your reading BEFORE your child comes home. It is a lot easier to read those books and articles while you are anxiously waiting for your child, than it is once your child is home and you are busy with parenting. Know what is normal and what is likely and how the experts recommend handling things. When you’ve read about how to handle a difficult behavior and understand why a child would behave that way, it makes it a lot easier to deal with, and to... more

In my last post I talked about empathy, and how important it is to have empathy when you new child comes home. In this post I am going to talk about structure and stability, which are two more things that will help your child’s and your family’s adjustments.

Kids need structure and stability. When a child’s life has some level of structure and stability and predictability to it, that life feels safe. This is extra-important to children who are newly adopted and often feel like their lives are out of control.

Children like to know “what is coming next”. They take comfort in knowing the basic layout of the day…when they will eat, when they will play, when they will sleep, etc.... more

I’ve been asked a lot lately about advice for what to do once a new child arrives home. Most of this information should be helpful for families adopting children of all ages, but some of it is obviously relevant for toddlers or older children. My first piece of advice is…

Have Empathy- I know that this one sounds like a no-brainer, but with all the excitement that leads up to the adoption and then the process itself, which often involves travel and more excitement, and then actually having a new child…it is all exhausting! And when a parent gets exhausted, it is easy to become impatient. Plus, I know many adoptive parents who have gone into an adoption ill-prepared, and in that situation... more

I get asked a lot what to expect when your new child comes home, and I have to say that I do have quite a bit of experience in bringing home new children. I have lots of advice on things to do and things not to do…ways to prepare, and ways to survive. But when it comes down to what to expect, I can sum up my advice in a one word answer.

Nothing.

My advice is don’t expect a thing. (Aren’t you glad you aren’t paying for this advice?)

Now wait, hear me out. It is very easy to go into an adoption with expectations. Even when we are told not to, it is hard not to develop some expectations along the way. However, this is setting you and your new child(ren) up for trouble.

The... more

The longer Ben is home with us, the more “firsts” that he has. It is so much fun to watch him try new things and experience new things. These last few days have been big ones for him.

On Saturday, Josh’s parents came up for Marcus’ birthday, and along with Marcus’ presents, they brought up a bicycle for Ben. We are a big bike-riding family, and my kids will ride for hours on any given day, and Josh’s parents are both bike-riding enthusiasts (they do crazy things, like ride for five days over mountains and things) so having a bike was a must for Ben, now that he is a... more

Bringing Ben home has me thinking about food a lot lately. Being in a different country made me realize just how much comfort we people get from food. At the end of our week-stay in Addis, and after a week of eating almost entirely Ethiopian food, I was in a restaurant that brought me an international menu with a “chicken sandwich” on it. They brought it out and it was grilled chicken breast on toast, and it tasted so good and so “familiar” I could’ve cried!

It wasn’t that I didn’t like the Ethiopian food…in fact there were quite a few things I did enjoy. But it just wasn’t “my food”. It was kind of like when I went on a cruise with my sister in high school…we spent a week eating all... more

We have made it home sweet home from our trip to get our beautiful new son. I know that my topic is transracial adoption, but any one considering adopting an older child, I say go for it! Our son is just amazing. He is happy and sweet and loving and has settled in with us SO quickly. I will post our adoption story and photos for those that are interested. Sorry if you have already read it on Rainbowkids.

I have lots of new thoughts and topic ideas from my travels, so stay tuned for lots of posts here in the near future.

Here is our adoption story. We were adopting... more