A recent “Reality Check” survey by Public Agenda, a group that describes itself as “a nonpartisan opinion research and civic engagement organization helping Americans explore and understand critical issues since 1975,” found what it describes as “troubling differences in the way minority teens describe their school experiences compared to white pupils.” This was a headline story on Yahoo news this morning and the survey results can be read in full here. Students, parents, teachers and administrators nationwide were surveyed and asked if they felt that issues such as high dropout rates,... more

On one of the email groups I am on, there are some pretty heated discussion regarding race and transracial adoptions right now. One of the group members shared a website, which was full of people against transracial adoption (among other things) and the things that they had to say were so disgusting that I refuse to even summarize. Then another person shared a website about “angry adult adoptees” that were also against transracial adoption who had some equally disturbing things to say (disturbing from a transracial parent’s point of view anyway).

So that sparked a conversation on the list on how concerning it is to know that there are people out there that hate our families because... more

One of the questions that adoptive moms despise the most is “are you her real mom?” It cuts to the core, to have your “realness”, as the mother of the child you love with all your heart, questioned. And even though I know that most people who ask this question are really asking, “Did you give birth to this child?” and probably don’t realize that they are being rude, I always answer this question with a resounding “Yes I am.” I am a real mom.

So, this post is dedicated to real moms.

Every mom who has ever given birth to a child, whether they are parenting that child or not, is a real mom.

Every mom who has dedicated her life to raising a child, whether she gave birth... more

The June 2006 Adoptive Families Magazine has an article that really hit me close to home. It is called “A Past Without Pictures” by Katherine Sanders, and it talks about how the author’s daughter, who was adopted internationally and transracially as an older child, often struggles with not having any photographs of herself when she was younger.

We have the same issue with three of our children, who were adopted at older ages. With our girls, who were adopted domestically, we did get to meet their birth mother and spend time with her, but although she promised to get us pictures from when the girls were little, she disappeared shortly after... more

More on moms…Today I have been thinking about how being the mom of a child that is of a different skin color than you is different than being the mom of a same-race child.

Since I am the mom of kids that are biologically mine, and kids that have joined us through the miracle of adoption, I know that there are some differences between the two. There is no difference in how I treat them or how I feel about them or how very much I love them, but there is a difference in how society sees us.

The biggest difference is recognition. If I am out in public with one of my biological sons, I am never ever questioned about my relationship to that child. Society at large assumes I am his... more

Sometimes I get tired of hearing about all that kids “lose” in adoption. Of course we all know that children who have been adopted have lost their birth parents, their extended birth families and sometimes their birth countries, birth cultures, etc. I would never discount these losses, ignore them or sweep them under the proverbial rug.

And yet I think sometimes people get so caught up in focusing on all the loss, that they forget how much good comes out of adoption too. I look at my son from Ethiopia. He was an orphan of the true sense, with both of his parents deceased. International adoption may have taken him away from his home country and culture and all that was familiar to him,... more

This article, “Why is race still a factor in adoption?” was recently brought to my attention.

The story was recently published in the Philadelphia Inquirer and tells a heartbreaking story about a three year-old African American foster child named Kevin, who had been living with the same foster couple for two years. The couple, who are the only mom and dad that Kevin can remember, were planning on adopting him. Oh, and they are white.

Without warning, county officials and police entered the home and removed the child, who of course was crying and scared. He was placed with another family, of who little... more

Writing about Marcus’ birth and our adoption experience with him has me thinking a lot about birth mothers lately and open adoptions. It is pretty amazing to think that in just the past few years, domestic adoptions have changed from “closed” and secretive being the norm, to open adoptions being extremely widespread and recognized as being the best choice for all involved in many situations.

And with our Ethiopian adoption experience we have also seen that international adoptions can have a level of openness and connection between the birth family and the adoptive family.

Personally, I think that in situations where it is possible, open adoptions are in the best interest of... more

Raising children today is not an easy task. We live in a time where families, family values, childhood and innocence are attacked and challenged at every bend.

To raise children who can grow up to be happy, well-adjusted and moral adults is a challenge. I taught a lesson in church today about how it is extremely important that parents build bonds with their children that create a “family identity”, so that when children turn into preteens and (ikes!) teenagers, their family identity is stronger than any other peer group, etc. that they identify with.

Although this lesson had nothing to do with adoption, it got me thinking on that path. We often talk about in adoption literature... more

An issue that comes up often with people adopting, especially if the adoption is a transracial one, is the reactions of their extended family. Extended families can disapprove for a variety of reasons and this can be difficult for the adoptive parents to handle.

Common reasons for extended families to disapprove of an adoption are racial issues, concerns over the adoption process/cost, worrying if they will love an adopted child in the family the same as they love the biological children, concerns about birth parents reclaiming children, concerns about the health of an adopted child, thinking the family already has “enough” children, etc.

Many of the concerns that extended... more