Somehow in all of our discussions about “rude questions” I forgot the worst comment I ever got. I mean, the absolute, without a doubt most ridiculously rude comment anyone has ever said around me.

When we had just adopted our seventh and eight children, two African American sisters who were 9 and 6 years old at the time, a woman (from our church no less), said that…are you ready for this????… She said, “It isn’t fair that you are adopting all of these needy children because you are making other people look bad.”

I was truly, truly speechless. (And those of you that know me well, know that speechless is definitely NOT a condition that I run into very often.)

I can’t... more

I think that "worry" is just a part of parenthood, and when you are the parent in a transracial adoption, you have a lot more "worries" than the average parent. Face it, just facing the routine challenges of teething, weaning, potty training, separation anxiety, fevers, colds, ear infections, that horrible first day of Kindergarten (for Mom), bed-time battles, homework, school bullies, braces, letting go, talking back, the facts of life and EIGHT MILLION other things that parents have to deal with, is A LOT. Then add in to that worries about bonding, attachment, culture, heritage, ethnicity, pride, self-esteem, prejudice, birth families and all the other added issues that come in a transracial... more

I found a sheet of paper with these "Foundations of Truth" on them when I was going through my paperwork last night. I found it mixed in with all of my Vietnam adoption paperwork, which is from way back in 2001-2002, and I am sad to say I do not remember where it is from. I apologize in advance I can't give credit to the author. This all rings so true to me that I have to share it with you.

1. Adoption is the way our child(ren) came to our family. It is not second best or second choice by comparison to joining our family by birth. It is simply different. Adoption is a fact of process and in no way implies that the belonging, the love, the joy or the importance of our child by adoption... more

Here is a topic I have heard come up a lot with transracial families… the “where to live” topic. I have heard people living in predominantly white neighborhoods voice concerns about adopting transracially. I have heard from people living in the South voice concerns about adopting transracially. I have even heard from people living in very diverse areas voice concerns about adopting transracially because of prejudice and stereotypes that tend to exist in diverse cities.

If you live in a predominantly white community, how is your child of a minority race going to feel standing out physically? How are they going to develop a strong self esteem and a healthy appreciation of their culture,... more

Since I was talking in my earlier post about our supportive community, I thought I would share this here. I posted it on my Rainbowkids blog right before we left for Ethiopia. I think it is a wonderful example of how a small rural community can be overwhelmingly supportive of a transracial family. With our first transracial adoption we had a lot of people question how we would raise a child of a minority race "here", (here being a small, predominantly white community in the Rocky Mountains). Although we don't have a large amount of diversity here, we do have a large number of other adoptive families, and our community is amazingly supportive of us and the other families. So we seek out cultural... more

If you adopt an African American child or a biracial child, one of the hottest topics is hair care. It's not just a matter of childcare; hair is also a matter of great pride in the African American community. If you take your blonde haired daughter out in public with a head full of messy hair, chances are no one will say anything to you. But if you take your AA daughter out in public without her hair done, your chances of hearing comments are good, and the chances are especially good if you are a Caucasian mother.

So what's a newly adoptive mom to do?? If you grew up in a traditional Caucasian family, the chances of you knowing anything at all about cornrows, hot combs, relaxers or... more

Ok, since I started the whole “pesky and rude questions” things I thought I would share some of our family's most memorable experiences in public. I hope you find the humor in them…I have found that you have to laugh sometimes!

These are all true stories…in no particular order. Enjoy!

Josh and I and eight of the kids (all we had at that point), took a family trip to New York last summer. That is where all of my family lives, and most of them hadn’t met most of my kids, so we made the trip. I guess I had been spoiled living in a place where just about everyone knows us, and where there are a lot of other large and adoptive families. We were quite the spectacle in New York!... more

It never fails. You are out in public with your family, minding your own business, and someone starts eyeing your family. If you’re experienced, you can see them coming a mile away. More often than not the stranger approaches and with very little tact demands to know, “Are these kids yours?” or “Did you adopt these children?” or “Which ones are your REAL kids?” If you are first time adoptive parent of a child of another culture, people’s boldness may come as a surprise, or even a shock. I would never walk up to a couple I didn’t know if they were on their first marriage or any other personal question, but for some reason, when your family is visibly different than the majority, lots of people... more

I am going to share this because it is one of my most favorite annecdotes regarding my kids and race. Some background...my son "R" is my bio son, and my daughter "D" is African American and was adopted at age 6 domestically. R and D are in the same class as school...both in second grade now.

Last year, they were both in first grade and D was still a fairly new addition to the family. One day the kids had a substitute teacher. She was reading the role and saw the name DH and saw a little black girl, and then saw the name RH and saw a little blonde boy. Then she noticed them playing together all day and interacting lots. Finally, curiousity got the better of her and she pulled... more

Is love color blind? Does color matter? These are some hot topics when it comes to transracial adoption.Many people that say, "Color doesn't matter...love is colorblind". And while it is a lovely idea, I do not believe that is is a realistic or healthy attitude for adoptive parents to have. To be honest, color DOES matter. It matters to your extended family, it matters to your community, it matters to people you see in Walmart, and most importantly, it matters to your adopted child.

Color matters because it is part of that child's identity. It is part of who they are. Two of my daughters are my children, they are equal members of our family and they are many other things, but they... more