One of the most difficult aspects of our adoptions for me is all of the children left behind. They weigh heavily on my heart and my mind…some days more than others.

It sounds cliché to say that it is life-changing to go to Ethiopia or another country stricken by disease and extreme poverty…but it is.

To stand in an orphanage full of children, and to really look into their eyes, and hold them in your arms, is indescribable. Being at AHOPE was tougher than the other orphanages we visited, because only a very few of the children had ever been adopted, and only a small handful were in process of being adopted. I think about those little boys, slipping their hands into mine and... more

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-Adopting a child IS in some ways a selfish act. If you are adopting because you truly want a child (or another child) then it is something you are at least in part doing for yourself. I have heard lots of people say that if you wanted to “make a big difference in the world” or do a big charitable act, you could take the huge chunk of money you would spend on an adoption and invest it into a country, family, program, etc. and make a difference that would touch many people instead of just one.

-In a perfect world, both the adoptive parents and the child... more

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-No matter how wonderful an adoptive family is or how beneficial or even life-saving adoption is for a child, it is extremely important that the loss that child has endured is not ignored or swept under the proverbial carpet. Every child that is adopted, even from the most dire of circumstances, has suffered loss. Losing a birth family, culture, language, home, friends and entire life is significant and often traumatic for a child, and will have effects on them throughout the rest of their lives.

It is also important to remember that although we often see... more

I get some ideas for this blog from the discussions that go on on some of the email adoption groups that I belong to.

One discussion that has been going round and round lately is the one revolving around the idea of adoption being a way to “save a child”.

This is a complicated one, and one that seems to come up fairly frequently on the email groups, so I thought I would tackle it here.

Here are my thoughts, in total random order.

-No one should ever adopt for the SOLE reason of wanting to save a child. There are many other ways that someone can save a child. You can sponsor a child so that they can remain in their family/village and get food and an education,... more

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There are some agencies that are now, because of the huge imbalance of families requesting girls and boys, implementing policies making it so that parents can not choose the gender of their child if they are waiting for an infant referral. Some make this true for families with kids of both genders already in the home, and some make it effective for all of their adoptive families.

On one hand, I figure that if you are having a child “the old fashioned way”, you don’t get to choose, and you are blessed with whatever gender you get. On the other hand, I have heard a lot of families who for whatever reason, are only willing to adopt one gender (usually... more

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The race issue certainly comes into play here as well. Many people openly admit that they have many more concerns/fears/insecurities in raising a black boy into the teenage years and adulthood than they do a black girl. Are there challenges to raising a black boy in this day and age? Absolutely.

But without discounting the issues that families are likely to encounter raising a black son in this country, I think it is important for all perspective parents to realize and embrace the fact that racial issues will exist and will become part of your life and will be something you have to deal with, whether you adopt a black girl or a black boy (or... more

Early in our first adoption process I heard the statistic that over 80% of adoptive parents with a gender preference of the child they are adopting, want a girl. I have since heard that statistic over and over, but I have no idea if it is accurate or where it comes from.

I DO however know that there definitely seems to be an overwhelming preference in “adoption land” for baby girls. I have seen the differences in “wait times” for a referral for an infant girl over an infant boy. I have seen some agencies, especially ones with Guatemala programs, lower fees and even consider baby boys “special needs” because they are so much harder to place than girls. I have heard agency reps say that... more

Football might not seem like it has much to do with transracial adoption, but in this case it does! After the two NFL play off games yesterday, history has been made twice. Tony Dungy, head coach of the Indianapolis Colts, and Lovie Smith, head coach of the Chicago Bears are both taking their teams to the Super Bowl this year, and both head coaches are black.

This will be the first time that any African American coach has made it to the Super Bowl, and since both teams playing in the big game this year have black coaches, it will be the first time... more

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Last but not least, my sweet Belane. As most of you know I spent two weeks in Ethiopia with Belane in a hotel room. We had one king-sized bed and she slept great in between Josh and I (although she whimpered in her sleep that whole first night).

She was a bit trickier to get to fall asleep for naps in the beginning…at first I tried all sorts of tricks, from carrying her in a hip carrier, to riding in the taxi, etc. However after a few days I just had to shut off the TV, darken the room and lay down... more

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Other things to keep in mind regarding adoption, kids and sleep…

-You can’t read the sleep books and take the advice from grandparents, etc. that isn’t especially for adopted children, because it is a much different situation than a biological child that has been with you since birth and is having sleep issues. Very newly adopted children are often very much like newborns in the fact that they can’t be spoiled…they need lots of love and attention to become securely bonded and attached.

-Some kids... more