Knowing the warning signs for attachment difficulty and weak attachment is a good thing, but knowing strategies to improve your child’s attachment is just as important. Here are some tips.

-Have as much physical contact as possible. Carry a baby or toddler in a carrier. Rock children of all ages in your lap in a rocking chair. Consider co-sleeping with your child, at least in the beginning. With older kids, try hair brushing, back rubbing, rubbing lotion on arms and legs, playing games where you hold hands, etc.

-Limit the number of other people that your child comes into contact with in the early days home. “Cocooning” your family is often recommended…meaning keeping to yourselves. This helps your child learn who is a part of their new family and who they are supposed to be bonding to and relying on. Many people recommend not letting anyone other than the parents hold and feed a new baby in the early days home. Definitely limit the number of caregivers of any new child to as few as possible.

-Educate your extended family and friends about attachment and the importance of your baby or child not being held, cared for or spending a lot of time with people outside of the immediate family after they first arrive home. Do this BEFORE your child comes home. Let your family and friends know why this is in your child's best interest, and that you are not trying to hurt feelings (just doing what's best for your child.)

-Understand why and how suggested discipline techniques are often different for newly adopted children than they are for other children. (For instance, many experts recommend “Time-In’s”, where the child sits on your lap and gets the message that you are not going away even if they are naughty and even if they want you to go away, instead of sending them to their room or a corner for a “Time-Out”.)

-Step in when you see your child attempting to “self soothe”. Help them learn that they can count on your to comfort them.

-Have a daily routine. Kids feel safer when life is predictable. Having a predictable daily routine for your child will help them feel settled and “at home” more quickly.

-On the same train of thought, set consistent and firm limits for your new child. Although you may feel tempted to let them "get away with a lot" since they have been through a lot, and they may protest firm limits, having limits helps a child feel safe, and sends the message that they can rely on you to protect them and keep them safe.

-Expect and understand that if your new child had a significant bond with another adult in her life, that she will grieve that loss. This is healthy. Comfort her and support her through that grief.

-Expect and understand that if your new child has seen many caregivers and never has had a bond with one significant adult in his life, that it will take even more time for him to learn that you are not just another “passer-by” in his life and that you are here to stay. Know it will take time for him to love and trust you, and to rely on you.

-Know that regression (acting younger than their age) is very common in newly adopted children who are working on bonding and attaching to their new parents. While this can seem concerning to parents who are not prepared for it, it is normal and provides the parents with a great opportunity for bonding. Rock your child like a baby, carry them often, feed them, etc. All of these things are part of the normal bonding process for a baby, and are healthy when building attachment with an older baby, toddler or child. Regression does not typically last long, so don’t worry your child will be acting like a baby forever.

-Remember that attachment is a process. Love at first sight is great, but true love, devotion, trust, respect, etc. take time to grow.

-Remember that attachment is a two-way process, like all relationships.

-As I often recommend, be prepared for the worst, pray for best and know that real life will probably be somewhere in the middle!

-Remember that even children with severe attachment issues and disorder can make huge progress. Don't be afraid to seek professional help when needed.

Resources
You can find the list of books that Adoptionshop.com has available on Adoption and Attachment here.

Adoption Learning Partners- an Online Adoption Education Community provides free, online courses for adoptive parents, including one on attachment with lots of great advice, strategies and information.

Here is a page of resources on attachment on Adoption.com, including articles, links, support and information.

Here is a post I wrote earlier about the age of child at adoption and attachment.

There is lots of great info on the Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog, as well as on the Adoptive Parenting Blog in the Attachment category.