Continued...

Although I had been unsure if emotionally it would be a good idea for me to visit AHOPE before we got to Addis, at this point in our trip, I was not even worried about it. I felt that I had seen so much since we got to Addis that I would be fine. I had seen so many beautiful, sad and needy children. I had seen so many heart-breaking images. I had seen desperation in the eyes of so many people. And yet I had also seen the love and hope that still some how managed to shine through, and I knew that I would be fine at AHOPE. The day had been so busy for us too that I did not have the time to put a lot of thought into going to AHOPE before we got there, so I was not feeling emotional at all as we got into our cab.


We got to AHOPE and things were very quiet. There were two buildings, and we were ushered into a smaller one on the right hand side where there was an office. We were told that this was the younger children’s compound, and the wonderful woman that we met (she has the best smile and personality!) apologized that the director was not there, but once she understood why we were there she quickly made us comfortable.

They brought us into the building where the children were, and we were led into a large room which was painted in bright yellow and had large pictures from Lion King painted on the walls with other cheery decorations (I found out afterwards that it used to be on of AAI’s main orphanages). The building was very worn, but you could tell that effort had been made into making it as happy of an atmosphere as possible.

It was explained that the kids were all asleep for their nap time (it was about 1 p.m.) and we were told that they usually wake up around 2 p.m. I assumed that meant we would spend an hour or so hanging around, but a few minutes later, very tired looking children started filing into the room. I felt really bad that the children had been woken up (my kids would be a nightmare if you woke them up from their nap!!!!!!) but most of them came to life pretty quickly and it was obvious that they were happy to have visitors. Josh and Dan had their cameras out and became a main attraction very quickly, especially with the 3-4 year old boys. The boys smiled and laughed and some even danced and sang for the cameras.

I was watching Josh and Dan with the boys and watching the kids as they continued to file into the room, and then I saw her…Belane.

My heart literally stopped for a second, and then started to race. My eyes filled with tears, and all I could do for a moment was look at her. She was a small girl, I guessed to be about two years old. Her freshly shaven head gave her away as a fairly new addition to the orphanage. She had a tattered and stained long-sleeved yellow shirt on, with a denim jumper over it and little white sandals on her feet. I turned to Josh who was swarmed with children and said, “Josh…look at her.” I was so choked up that I couldn’t say anything else. Josh turned and looked and smiled, but was then quickly overtaken by the boys again.

I bent down and motioned for her to come to me and she did without any hesitation. I sat down right there and she snuggled into my lap. I gave my camera to Ben, because he was looking bored and because I was too distracted to take any pictures, and he took off snapping pictures happily of the other kids. I held that little girl in my lap and was so full of emotion. I could not explain why I was so drawn to her. She was not the youngest child in the room. She was not the cutest (although she was beautiful), she did not stand out physically in any way, and any one who knows me well, knows that I am a huge sucker for little boys. There were tons of darling, sweet and friendly little children in that room that afternoon, but I only had eyes for one.

I rocked her in my arms, held her fat little toddler hands, rubbed her sweet hair that was just starting to grow back, and felt my heart swell to the point that I didn’t know if I could take it. She melted into my body like my own babies do…in that way that says, “I am yours and you are mine and this is where I belong.”

My cheeks were flushed and I felt that I was just going to break down and sob, so when we were asked to come speak with someone out in the hallway, I was almost grateful for the excuse to get up.

were being ushered into our cab to go meet with the director at the other center and to accomplish the task that brought us to AHOPE in the first place (video taping an interview with the director and of the grounds, etc.)

I got into the cab and the tears started to flow. I looked out the window and all of the little children were gathered on the front step, waving good-bye. I tried not to look at her, but I did, and seeing her little hand waving back and forth and that beautiful smile made my heart ache in an awful way. I never thought I would see her again.

I figure I had met hundreds of children at that point in our trip, and they were all beautiful and they were all sweet and they were all in need. I loved all of them, but until this day, not one had felt like “mine”. I couldn’t even explain how I felt at that moment, but I knew that I had felt a connection with that little girl that was unlike any experience I have ever had, and I knew it felt horribly wrong to be driving away from her.

Continued...