That is the sound I am making after an entire day of sitting by the phone, suitcases packed, full of hope and happiness, that slowly drained away throughout the day as we came to the realization that the waiver did not arrive today.

We even, at the suggestion of our agency rep, made a trip to the Embassy to ensure that it did not arrive...that was a waste of time and energy.

Everyone...from the DHL woman downstairs, to the Embassy, to our agency rep, said it SHOULD have arrived today. Yes...thank you... I know. I am kicking myself for getting my hopes up, and really starting to feel a bit cursed in this whole mess. So now we are back to sitting and waiting and wondering...

I keep telling myself that this officer would not have lied to her superiors in Washington DC and said it was done on Friday and mailed on Monday if it she didn't really do it. I keep telling myself that it is done and on it's way to us...I keep thinking at least we don't have to worry anymore about this dragging out weeks...or about being the first family to have their HIV waiver denied...or about being in a position of having to go home without my sweet girl.

And yet after being so excited about leaving tonight, and still being here, it really is emotionally difficult at this point. It is so draining to be depressed every evening and cheer yourself up with "it will happen tomorrow" and then going through that cycle all over again. If I end up with an ulcer, you'll all know why.

We have tickets to leave on Friday now. I'ts my hubby's birthday that day. We will be on that plane. We will be on that plane...