Starting off our Transracial Adoption ABCs is the letter "A".

Adopt, Adopted, Adoption- This seems like a great place to start. There is a saying on lots of bumper stickers and t-shirts that, “Adoption is Love”, and I totally agree. But it also is a lot more complicated than that. Adoption means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. For instance, as mom who has been blessed with seven awesome kids through adoption, I may have very different feelings towards the word “adoption” than a mother who placed a child for adoption, or an adult who was adopted as a young child. Here is a post I wrote earlier on the subject of what adoption means to me, and to others.

In a nutshell…

To adopt a child is to make a child that was not born to you or created by you, permanently, legally and emotionally your child in every way, as if he was indeed born to you.

I think that the word “adopted” should only be used as a verb. We adopted our daughter. But, I would not call her my adopted daughter. She’s just my daughter. Using the word “adopted” as an adjective is labeling, and often has a “lesser than” effect.

Adoption is a legal act or process that creates a new parent-child relationship. While it is a very different way of becoming a parent than conceiving and giving birth to a child, it is not a second best way of becoming a parent. Adoption has its own set of unique stresses and miracles on the pathway to parenthood.

Agency- In your adoption you will have to make two important decisions related to adoption agencies. You will have to choose the agency that will do your homestudy, (must be an agency licensed in the state you reside in) and you will have to choose the agency that will actually handle your adoption and the placement of a child with you. While you can use the same agency for both aspects of your adoption if you find one that is appropriate, many families use one agency for their homestudy and a second agency to handle the adoption.

Choosing which adoption agencies you are going to work with is one of the most important decisions you will make in your adoption. An honest and trustworthy agency with experienced, caring staff and ethical, reliable programs can make your adoption process as smooth as possible. On the flip side, an unethical or inexperienced agency can make your adoption a nightmare.

I have written quite a bit on how to choose an adoption agency for your transracial adoption, because it is such an important decision. You can read all of my posts on how to choose an agency here.

Attachment- Attachment (in relation to adoption) refers to the way that bonds are built between parent and child, and the way that a child feels connected and bonded (or not) to his new parents. I think most adoptive parents worry along the lines of, “Will my child love me? Will he attach to me?”

There is a wide range of attachment issues and disorders. “Anxious attachment” is common in children during their early days with a new family, while RAD (reactive attachment disorder) is when a child is unable or has a very hard time attaching to other people, and it is a scary topic for many adoptive parents.

Your early days with your new child are very important for building healthy attachment. Attachment is a process, not an event, and it takes time, patience, education and lots of love. Often the "right thing to do" in regards to building attachment with a new child is different than "typical" parenting and even your parenting instincts. For more detailed information on attachment, as well as lots of tips and resources, you can read “Attachment Risks” and “Attachment Tips and Resources”.