Adoption ABCs - Gender and Girls

">"What's wrong with boys???" part one, part two and part three. Is it because boys are the ones who are traditionally seen as the ones to carry on the family genes and family name? Is it because girls are stereotypically often thought of as the sweeter, calmer and "easier" gender? Is it because girls are often imagined to be more vulnerable? Is it because parents adopting transracially are more concerned about raising a boy/man of another race than they are a girl/woman of another race? Is it because moms are often the driving force behind the decision to adopt, and moms often have a strong desire for a daughter?

As I said, there are many theories as to why there is such a strong preference for girls by adoptive families. My guess is that the cause is a combination of reasons.

The idea of choosing the gender of your child is an interesting one. While modern medicine has the technology to allow parents to choose the gender of their biological children (at this point usually only for very significant medical reasons), for most parents expecting a baby through birth, the gender of the child is a surprise until ultrasound or delivery reveals if the baby is a boy or a girl.

Some adoption agencies do not allow adoptive parents to choose the gender of their child if they do not already have children in the home. Some adoption agencies do not allow adoptive parents to choose a girl if they already have a daughter (this is usually an effort to even up the lists of parents waiting for girls and boys.) Should adoptive parents be able to choose the gender of the child they are adopting if they are waiting for the referral of an infant?

There are many reasons why some are for allowing adoptive parents to choose gender. Some families can only easily add a child of one gender of another into their family and home because of number of bedrooms and other children in the family. Some single moms worry about being able to raise a boy without a father in their life. Some families have several children of the same gender and really want "one" of the other gender (been there, done that). Sometimes parents feel strongly about one gender or the other because of what they think will work best with the children and family that they already have.

Surely there are some legitimate reasons as to why adoptive parents could want one gender more than another, although I can't help but wonder how many of the 80% (give or take) that are requesting baby girls have a really good reason, and why things aren't more even, especially since numbers have shown that parents expecting a baby through birth are often hoping for a boy.

What do you think? Should adoptive parents be able to choose the gender of their child if they are adopting a toddler or older child? Should adoptive parents be able to choose the gender of their child if they are waiting for an infant referral? I'd love to know what you think.

Here is more reading on the topic from the Ethiopia Adoption Blog.