For my post for the letter “K” in my Transracial Adoption ABCs series of posts, I have one important topic to discuss.

Know your stuff – This is the best piece of advice that I can give to prospective adoptive parents. It is wonderful and exciting and overwhelming to make the decision to adopt, and I know that for many families, making that decision comes after suffering through infertility, having one spouse being reluctant about adopting, wrestling with the idea of becoming a transracial family or any number of other challenges.

It is easy to understand how and why many adoptive parents are so anxious to get the process started quickly after finally making the decision to move forward, and how easy it is for some to just jump in with both feet very quickly.

This is where a lot of adoptive parents go wrong.

Choosing an adoption agency, or an adoption program or to adopt transracially are not simple decisions. When a couple is hungry, they can quickly decide that they want to eat out, and then in a short amount of time (and without having to do much research on the matter) can drive around, choose a restaurant and get to eating.

Adopting isn’t like that. You can't (or shouldn't) just decide you want to adopt a child and then dive head first into the first adoption program or agency that you come across that seems good. You have to be willing to put in some research. You have to be willing to do your homework.

I am always surprised when I see a post from some adoptive parent on an email group or forum, who has paid a bunch of money already to an agency and is already well into the adoption process, and is asking a very basic question, like “what is an I600A?” or “about how long will this process take?”

The best thing that adoptive parents can do for themselves is to research. I recommend that all adoptive parents make themselves, to some extent, adoption experts. At least be an “expert” on the program you are choosing.

When you officially start your adoption, you should know the steps to the process, you should know the requirements of the program, you should know what paperwork is involved, you should know the legal and ethical issues involved, you should know what the costs will be, you should know what agencies work in that program and what their reputations are, etc. You should be educated on the adoption process.

You should also know what medical issues are common in adoptees, how bonding and attachment occurs, what behaviors are common in newly adopted children, what type of reactions your family may receive for being a transracial family, etc. You should be educated on parenting a child through adoption.

You should know your stuff.

When you go into an adoption educated you will have a lot more confidence, as you will know what to expect to some degree, you will be less vulnerable and you will be much more likely to notice any "red flags" and to be able to advocate for yourself and for your child.

While there are no guarantees, I can tell you that it is much more common for first-time adoptive parents, who have jumped into an adoption without a lot of preparation and research, to find themselves stuck in a bad situation, with an unethical agency or the victims of an adoption scam.

Here are some resources for you to help you “know your stuff”.

Adopting.org

Adoption.com

Joint Council on International Children’s Services