The other topic I have to discuss under the letter “N” in my Transracial Adoption ABCs is neglect.

Neglect can have a variety of legal definitions and parameters, and even differs from state to state in regards to what constitutes neglect of a child and what does not.

For the sake of keeping things simple, neglect most often means when a child’s basic needs are not met by his parents or caretakers. A child is neglected if he is not properly fed and/or if proper hygiene is not provided. A child is neglected if he does not have appropriate supervision. A child is neglected if he is exposed to drugs, alcohol and other unsafe substances and situations. A child is neglected when physical, emotional and/or sexual abuse is permitted or not prevented. A child is neglected when a parent fails to keep him safe and meet his needs.

In worst-case scenarios, the neglect of a child can lead to abuse, injury or even death. And yet even when a child lives through neglect and does not have any outward physical signs, the emotional damage that can result from neglect is often significant.

So what does this have to do with adoption? The majority of children in the United States foster care system have been the victims of neglect at some point in their lives, and children who come from orphanage settings have also often suffered through some level of neglect.

When children have been neglected there are often long-term effects. Children who have been neglected have often “learned” that they cannot trust the adults in their lives to take care of them, meet their needs and keep them safe. This learned distrust can have a negative impact on bonding and attachment, as it can be difficult for children to learn to trust their new parents. Attachment issues and Reactive Attachment Disorder are possible when a child has endured neglect.

Children who have been physically and emotionally neglected are often developmentally delayed and can also be unhealthy because of the lack of care. Cognitive and learning delays are also common.

How a child will or will not be affected by neglect is very difficult to predict. A child’s individual resiliency often matters as much as the situation the child was in.

We have several children who have lived through horrible abuse and neglect, and yet once again have hearts full of love and trust. They amaze me.

On the other hand, some children are never able to fully overcome the neglect that they endured.

Since it is hard to predict how neglect will or will not affect a child, all parents who are adopting should prepare themselves for the affects that neglect may have on their child. I say it a lot, but it is worth repeating, "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best and know that real life will most likely be somewhere in the middle."

Learning as much as possible about your child’s life before they are adopted is also helpful for adoptive parents, because the more adoptive parents know, they better they can understand their children, help them try to overcome neglect and build healthy bonds, trust and attachment with their new family.

More reading on neglect and attachment in adoption:

Adoption ABC post on Attachment

Attachment Tips and Resources

Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog