Continuing on in the letter "P" in my Transracial Adoption ABCs, I am going to write about parents.

Parents - While parents, both adoptive parents and birth parents, are important parts of the adoption triad, the focus of any adoption should be on the child involved. Adoption as a big picture should be about finding homes for children that need them. Adoption should only occur when it is taking a child that is a true orphan, a child that has been neglected and/or abused or a child whose parents are choosing to place that child for adoption because that is what they feel is best for their child, and putting him into a family that is able, prepared, committed and desirous to parent that child.

Transracial adoption should only occur when it is not possible for that child to remain with his birth parents and there is not a family of the same race as the child willing and able to adopt him.

International transracial adoption should only occur when it is not possible for that child to remain with his birth parent, there is not a family in the child's country that is able and willing to adopt him and there is not a family of the same race as the child that is willing and able to adopt him.

In every ethical transracial adoption, it will be a fact that the child being adopted was not able to remain with his birth parents, and that there was not a family of the same race (or in the same country if it is an international adoption) that could care for the child.

While I know that my husband and I were the best possible option for the children we adopted, I also know that transracial adoption was a "last resort" for them as well.

Adoption is not and should not be about finding children for parents who want them. While adoptive parents should want the child they are adopting and should desire to parent a child through adoption, the priority of all adoptions should be finding homes for children that need them.

There is a lot of talk about parents in adoption. Some people think adoptive parents are saints, and some think that they are quite the opposite. Some people think that birth parents are saints, and some think that they are quite the opposite. In reality, adoptive parents and birth parents are just people. There are really good, loving and devoted adoptive parents and birth parents, and there are some that are not.

Adoption is a unique way to become a parent. For many parents who first struggle with infertility, becoming a parent through adoption is a second choice. However, adopting a child should never be thought of by the parents as a second best way to have a child. It is a different path to parenthood, but it is just as wonderful and just as challenging.

Adoption is about children first and foremost, but it is also about parents. It is about parents who are separated from the children they create, through death, illness, poverty or circumstance. It is about parents who experience great loss.

It is about parents who chose to love and parent a child that they did not create, whose path to parenthood is filled with decisions, paperwork, money, worries and big ethical questions. It is about parents willing to take a risk, who often end up with great rewards.

As a parent by birth and by adoption, I have faced many challenges and received many blessings. I have children who look like me and children who do not. I have children who have other parents out there and those that do not. Their circumstances are all different, but they are all my children. I love them dearly and I dedicate my life to being the very best parent that I can be to each one.

Children belong with parents and in families. They do not belong in foster homes, in orphanages or alone on the streets. They deserve to have parents, someone to love them, care for them, teach them, protect them, play with them, raise them and cherish them in the way that only parents can. Ideally they belong with their birth parents, but when that is not possible, adoption can be a wonderful way to give children the parents they deserve.