The list is too short and too shallow. Far too short. Here are some additional questions.

- Am I ready and prepared to meet the birth/first family of my child in the event my child wants to meet them with me?

- Am I prepared to say no to answering questions about adoption other people ask?

- Am I prepared to answer invasive questions that others may ask of me in a way that won’t damage my child’s self image?

- Am I prepared to learn at least 1 year’s worth of my child’s first language and learn my child’s culture for life?

- Am I prepared to face the ethical and moral problems of adoption if asked?

- Am I prepared to teach the first culture of my child with my own to them?

- Can I mentally absorb more than my child as a family member (i.e. their family before the adoption becomes yours too adoption is NOT a one way street. It’s two ways.)?

- If my child is teased in school for being of a different race, can I handle it to accommodate my child’s needs? (i.e. Do you know how to handle it?)

- Have I prepared my extended family on what to say and not to say to my child once I adopt them? (Some remarks from extended family members can be scarring. I know people who say it’s not their business but then the extended family says things like, “Look at the orientals living in that house!”)

- If you are adopting because of infertility, have you faced this infertility in such a way you feel confident that you are not adopting to replace the children you would have had?

- Are you adopting because you want to replace a lost child? (You shouldn’t adopt until your heart has healed. No human being can replace another.)

- Are you adopting because of some famous celebrity or that you heard that adoption from X country is really cheap? (Then you are thinking in the wrong direction. Children are neither fads nor bargain deals.)

- Am I prepared that the pain my child feels cannot and will not always be the same as mine if they are transracial?

- Am I prepared to face birth/first parents who might say their child was stolen from them?

- Are you aware that any reasons you have for adopting your child now will reflect how they view you in the future?

- Can I handle the media’s unfair treatment and manipulation of adoption for my child by facing these issues with them?

- Can I handle my views on adoption being challenged?

- If my child is against adoption in the future, can I handle it?

Adoption is not just about, you the parent, it involves, society, society’s blatant unacceptance of adoption (and slanted view thereof where everything is black and white), the child, their current culture and country before you adopt them, their family, the foster parent that took care of them, the orphanages, the foundations (who will be hocking you and possibly your children up for money in years to come no matter your experience with them), language, food, and so on. If any one of these things a parent who is adopting internationally cannot accept, I don’t think international adoption is right for them. Even if one of these things the child does not or will not accept in the future, that part is still part of them and who they are. Just as any parent wants to teach about their own culture to their children so they can inherit it, in the case of international adoption or any adoption you inherit that child’s culture family and language too. Consider that before thinking about prices, you will be glad you did, Do you really want to say as your reasons for adoption are “other adoptive parents were adopting from there too” and “it was cheap” Do you really want to be the one to tell your child such things that robs them of their humanity and degrades them to an object? ’cause I’ve been there at that end of things and while I was understanding that they had no idea what they were saying it, it still hurt.

Adoption isn’t like the ads plastered on this website from Adopt Help and Adoption Network with chubby babies with blue eyes (Which personally make me sick because it presents child as object…), nor is it all tears and grief, it is coming to understand to some fundamental level that what a child loses in the process of adoption (i.e. being made an object with a number stamped on them) they can regain through love, understanding, open communication, support, and most of all education–yours and theirs.

Anyway, I know I’m missing some questions because some of the adoptive parents I’ve talked to said, “I wish I was asked that question before I adopted.” Not out of regret, but simply to make them think. And education is a large part of what makes parents better guides for thier children.