The letter "U" is for unpredictable in my Transracial Adoption ABCs.

Unpredictable - Some of the best adoption advice I have ever been given is to "expect the unexpected" and to be able to roll with the proverbial punches.

You often hear adoption being referred to as "an emotional roller coaster", and it definitely is. The emotional highs are really, really high (such as meeting your child for the first time), and the emotional lows are really, really low (such as losing a referral). One of the reasons that adoption often is such an emotional roller coaster is because it is a very unpredictable process.

Some people get their homestudy done in weeks, and some find it takes months. Some people get immigration approval quickly and easily, and for some it takes months. Adoption travel trips can be full of unexpected twists and turns, both good and challenging.

It is common for people to decide to or be forced to change their adoption plans (either program, agency, child desired, etc.) because of changes in requirements, processes, wait times and other factors.

Things are constantly changing in adoption. When we started our adoption from Vietnam, it appeared to be a very stable adoption program, and we liked the fact that there was only one, week-long trip required. Half-way through our process Vietnam started requiring parents to make two trips for their adoption. Towards the end of our adoption the Cambodia adoption program was shut down, and there were many murmurings that Vietnam was going to do the same.

In domestic adoptions, it is very common for "matches" made between expectant mothers and hopeful adoptive couples to fall through when the mother chooses to parent her child. While this is an inherit risk to adoptive couples with domestic adoption and is ultimately usually the best outcome for the child, it is still difficult for parents to get physically and emotionally ready for a new baby, and then have it not work out, and to have to start again.

Another aspect of adoption that is unpredictable is how your child will adjust and adapt once he is home. Adoptive parents can learn about attachment risks and predict how their particular child may do, but you just never know.

Some children are naturally very resilient and adjust easily and attach well to their parents despite challenging early lives. Some children struggle much more to bond with their new families and adjust to their new lives.

Adoption is full of unpredictability. There are paperwork hangups, unexpected delays, fluctuating wait times, changing requirements and processes and many other things that can throw you for a loop. How your child will handle the huge life change of being adopted is also hard to predict.

So I pass on to you the adoption advice of, "Expect the unexpected." If you can be flexible as much as possible and "roll with the punches", things will probably be a lot easier for you.