My last post under the letter "V" in my Transracial Adoption ABCs is on the words voice and vulnerable.

The reality is that adoption involves many people who are in a vulnerable state. Orphaned children are some of the most vulnerable people anywhere. Pregnant mothers who are considering adoption for their child are highly vulnerable. Even adoptive parents, with all of the emotions that go into choosing to adopt and surviving the process, are vulnerable.

When you take all of that vulnerability, and throw in a whole lot of emotions and big chunks of money, it is easy to understand how easily the situations can be taken advantage of. As much as we like to think that everyone working in adoption is in it because they want to help needy children, the reality is that adoption is a "job" for many. There are many with good intentions and there are some lacking in the good intentions department.

It is not uncommon to hear stories of young pregnant women being pressured into giving up their babies. It is not uncommon to hear of people offering some sum of money to a family living in poverty in another country, along with promises of finding their child (usually a young, baby girl, as that is what there is the biggest demand for) a loving family and a better way of life. It is not uncommon for adoptive parents to be given false or partial referral information about their child's past and birth family.

Because of this, adoptive parents need to use their voice. As a group, we have a very strong voice, as we are the ones supplying the money to the adoption programs, agencies, facilitators, etc.

Adoptive parents need to use their collective voice to demand ethical adoptions. We need to send the message that we do care about more than just getting the child of our dreams. We need to show that we want to know that our child is also a true orphan who really needed a new home and family. We want to know where our money is going and how it is being used. We want to know how things are being handled in our child's birth country, or for domestic adoptions, how pregnant women contacting the agency are being treated.

We need to think of not only the children we want, but the children who are left behind. Orphaned children do not have a voice, and they are extremely vulnerable. They need us to be their voice. Adoption should always be about the kids. There are many ethical issues involved that are complicated.

What can adoptive parents do?

- Research. You won't know what questions to ask, what signs are "red flags" or what you should expect if you don't do your research.

- Ask lots of questions. Many parents are shy about pushing their adoption agency for answers, but every parent has the right to know how their child came to be an orphan, where their money is going, how the process works, etc. Knowledge is power. If any agency won't answer your questions (or can't answer your questions) I would be highly concerned.

- Choose an agency carefully. I am always amazed at the families that choose agencies with very little research. I have said it before and will say it again; if no adoptive parents were using the unethical agencies, they would be out of business.

- Put ethics first. I have heard way too many times about families who have fallen in love with a child on a photolisting and chose to pursue that child even though the agency had a questionable reputation or there were red flags in the process. There are millions of children available for adoption. Don't let a cute picture push you into compromising ethics.

- Advocate for children left behind.

- Do something to "give back" to where ever your child is from.


While there will always be those in the world that try to take advantage of the fact that so many involved in adoption are vulnerable, adoptive parents have the responsibility to use their voice to make adoptions more ethical for all involved.