Wow! I am up to letter "W" in my Transracial Adoption ABCs. I am still open to brilliant suggestions for the letter "Z", which is just a few posts away now.

The letter "W" is for the wait (insert ominous music here).

The Wait - Waiting is hard. Waiting stinks. Waiting for something as huge and eventful as a new child is harder to wait for than most, and waiting for that child while knowing that that child is "out there" in the world is arguably one of the most difficult things possible to wait for.

Unfortunately, adoption is full of waiting. Some prospective adoptive parents have to wait for their spouse to be ready and willing to adopt. Many prospective adoptive parents have to wait until adoption is financially possible for them. Once you start the process there is waiting on all sorts of paperwork and appointments. Sometimes things move quickly and sometimes they hit one or more snags and drag out longer than expected. I can tell you that even when things have gone as fast as possible for our adoptions, the waiting is still difficult.

Once your paperwork is complete, then many families have to wait for a referral. Waiting for a referral is very emotional. It is exciting, nerve-wracking and full of anxiety. Some parents handle the wait better than others, and then there are those of us who check email compulsively, develop a bad habit of spending way too much time on internet groups and forums and overall find it difficult to think of much other than when and where and how the referral will come. The word "obsessive" fits many in the waiting for referral stage.

The good news is that when you finally get your referral, and see the face of your child, it is wonderful beyond words. The adoption becomes very "real". There is a mix of many emotions. It is exciting and joyful and overwhelming.

The bad news is that very shortly after you get your referral, the reality of the wait for travel appears, and it is even more difficult than waiting for a referral. Knowing about, worrying about, loving and wanting a child that is yours, but is in another country is one of the most difficult things I have experienced.

If you are adopting domestically, the wait is a lot different. The wait for a child is much less predictable. The phone can ring at almost any time with news. This is both exciting and challenging. I found that I was a lot more anxious with the wait for our domestic infant adoption than I was with our international adoptions. Waiting to be chosen by a birth mother was tough. Then waiting for someone else to go into labor was very emotional.

No matter what type of adoption you are pursuing, you will likely be a victim of "the wait" at one point or another. There are two ways I recommend to handle it.

The first way is the responsible way. You can read your books on attachment and adoptive parenting. You can prepare your child's room. You can enjoy special time with your spouse and/or other children. You can clean your house from head to toe. You can bake and freeze six months worth of casseroles and have meals ready for once your child comes home. I call this the "nesting" phase, and I do this obsessively when we are in the waiting stages of our adoptions.

The second way to handle the wait is chocolate. Ice cream works well too.

Leave me a comment and let me know how you handled your wait.