One of the things that I really like about these blogs is the way that a lot of us all chime in on the same or similar topics. I think that it gives readers a fuller picture when they are able to read about the same topic from several points of view. So I am going to talk about friends too.

One of the reasons that I think that email groups, blogs, chat rooms, etc. are so popular with adoptive parents (and many other communities as well) is that it brings together people going through similar experiences. There are some things that it just takes another adoptive parent to truly appreciate.

For example, I could explain to one of my friends how EXCITED I am because I finally got my I171H, but only another parent who had adopted internationally would truly understand what a big deal that piece of paper was, and all of the emotions that go along with that.

You can explain how anxious you are about your child being across the world and how horribly difficult it is to wait to travel and finally hold that child in your arms, but only a parent that has experienced that wait will really understand what it feels like.

And you can talk to other friends about anxieties over race, prejudice, bonding, attachment and all of the other issues that come along with transracial adoption, but it is other parents of transracial families that will really “get it”.

Plus, who else but other adoptive parents can give you the much needed advise to your anxious questions about your dossier or your court date or your travel plans?

Through the internet I have made lots of friends. I have one email group that has now followed my family through six adoptions. They have shared the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, and I have shared along on their adoption journeys as well. Even though I have never met many of them, I do truly consider them my friends.

And then there is my very best friend. We live very close to each other and our families have been friends for the few years we have both lived here. But it wasn’t until fairly recently that our friendship has really grown. A month after Josh and I decided to adopt Ben from Ethiopia, her and her husband decided that they were going to adopt a little boy from Ethiopia as well. We found out that our sons-to-be were the best of friends in their orphanage, and knew that our families would forever be bonded. We started talking on the phone and getting together often…talking about homestudy and dossier paperwork, worrying about USCIS, making blankets together for our boys, planning our trips to Africa and doing a whole lot of whining about the wait. We also have talked a lot about our families, hobbies, beliefs and a million other things. And somewhere in all of that a beautiful friendship has grown. While our adoptions brought us together, once we started spending time together, I found a friend and “soul sister” that I was really needing.

One of the great “side-affects” of adoptions is the people you meet and the friends that you make, that you may not have otherwise. Because of our adoptions I have found friends with families “like mine” all over the country that I can turn to for support and advice, I have made friends in countries far away that I probably never would have traveled to and I have found a most dear friend, who was right under my nose.

For more on friends that have come together through adoption, here is a great article from the February 2006 Rainbowkids online magazine.
http://www.rainbowkids.com/2006/02/process/206messag.chtml