Getting a referral is one of the "big" moments in your adoption. It is also often a very emotional moment for adoptive parents. Seeing your child's face for the first time can be exciting, joyful, overwhelming and amazing in countless ways, and yet it is also common for adoptive parents to have a variety of other emotions as well.

Here are some common emotions after receiving your referral:

- Sheer joy, excitement, happiness, amazement, etc. Finally seeing your child's face and finally having a child that is assigned to you, makes the adoption very real and can be one of the truly most wonderful moments of an adoption.

- Fear. If you are a first time parent, realizing that all of a sudden you have a child that you are going to be responsible for can be very scary. If you already have children, realizing that you are going to have another child can also be very scary. Knowing that you are about to go through the adjustment period of having a new child, and possibly dealing with attachment issues, lack of sleep, etc. can make even a seasoned parent nervous. Another reason for fear or nervousness can be if your child has a special need or a background issue that you were not expecting.

- Sadness. I know that many adoptive parents have felt a lot of sadness after receiving their referral. Reading about your child's abandonment or relinquishment, and thinking about the suffering he has gone through and the great loss that your child and his birth family have faced, can be truly heartbreaking.

- Not much. Some adoptive parents report that receiving their referral was very "anti-climatic", and that it took some time for the excitement to build and for it all to seem real. This could be especially true if you have built up expectations about getting your referral.

- Doubt and confusion. Some adoptive parents experience feeling doubt that the child they have been referred is really the right child for them, and wonder about accepting the referral. Accepting a referral is a huge commitment, and obviously parents want to feel confident before accepting a child. See my next post for reasons why parents turn down a referral.

- Overwhelmed. The reality of having a new child, the realities of traveling (if you are adopting internationally), the realities of becoming a transracial family, the realities of the process that still have to occur, etc. can all leave a parent feeling somewhat overwhelmed after receiving their referral.

- Unable to concentrate on anything else! I know that several times after receiving a referral I have been so emotional and excited that I found it really hard to concentrate on anything that wasn't adoption related. Being preoccupied is totally normal (at least for me). :)

For most adoptive parents, receiving a referral is the magical, wonderful and exciting moment that they have hoped for. But if you find yourself feeling sad, scared, overwhelmed, unexcited, preoccupied, doubtful or unable to concentrate on anything else, know that you are not alone.