(Please remember that this is just a piece of my definition of adoption. For my full definition of what adoption is, you can read this whole series of posts here.)

Adoption is hard. To illustrate my point, here is a letter I wrote to myself last week during an extra-hard day of waiting (and waiting).

Dear Erin,

This is a letter to remind yourself later on down the road (when you will need reminding), that you do not enjoy being in the process of adopting (even though an overwhelming amount of evidence would show otherwise).

You do not enjoy the sick feeling in your stomach that you get early on in the process when you have to tell people that you are adopting again ("yes, again") and you have to deal with their less than supportive reactions and judgments.

You do not have any extra money. Adoption is expensive. Trying to figure out how on earth to pay for another adoption is stressful and humbling.

You do not enjoy the horribly anxious feeling of "I have to get this paper done right now" that you get with every single piece of adoption related paperwork, because even though you know that a day or two won't really make a difference in the grand scheme of things, it is one tiny portion of the process that you can control and make go as fast as possible, and so you do.

You hate the waiting. You are impatient. You get stressed. You get emotional. You do not enjoy that anxiety of waiting on other people, offices and governments to process paperwork so that you can be united with your child.

Going to bed each night and thinking about your child on the other side of the world, living in less than ideal conditions without a mommy to tuck him in, kiss his boo-boos and meet his every need is tough. It is really tough. And most of your family and friends won't really "get" how tough it is.

You do not like being on the verge of tears for weeks on end because you just can't take the waiting and the worrying and the desire to hold, care for and love your child face to face any more.

You do not like feeling tied to the computer and checking your email way more often than you know is healthy, but at the same time not being able to help it because it is your only connection to news about the adoption.

You really do not enjoy the roller coaster of emotions the adoption process brings. The cycle of "Woo hoo! Good news!", then waiting, waiting, waiting, then the occasional set back, all going round and round are frustrating and emotionally exhausting.

You do not like to have to worry about your other kids and feeling guilty about leaving them behind when you travel. You absolutely hate having to ask people for help (and there aren't many people who will). The logistics of finding child care for your family are overwhelming. You will feel sick inside every moment you are not home with your family.

I hope that you read this letter and remember how hard the adoption process really is on you. I hope that you remember how long the days, weeks and months seem to take when you are waiting, and how emotionally tough the whole thing is. Take it from me, since I know you better than anyone. You do not enjoy being in the middle of an adoption.

Love,
Me

P.S. As much as the process can be miserable and certainly is not easy, it is oh so worth it. If you ever doubt that, look around and count your blessings. They are worth all of the sacrifices, emotions and challenges of the process and so much more. Adoption is hard, but it has given you some of your life's biggest blessings. Have a good cry when you need to, but remember how worth it it will all be when that child is in your arms and home where he belongs.


*** Time is running out!! If you have not yet participated, make sure you visit this post and enter the fun giveaway for National Adoption Month thanks to Curls.