Along with my last two posts on having empathy and on the importance of stability and structure, I add a few more thoughts on advice I give to parents expecting a new child through the miracle of adoption.

-Be prepared. Do your homework and your reading BEFORE your child comes home. It is a lot easier to read those books and articles while you are anxiously waiting for your child, than it is once your child is home and you are busy with parenting. Know what is normal and what is likely and how the experts recommend handling things. When you’ve read about how to handle a difficult behavior and understand why a child would behave that way, it makes it a lot easier to deal with, and to not only address the behavior, but the underlying emotions.

-If you already have children at home and consider yourself an “experienced parent”, be prepared to have to do things differently, and possibly even break some of your old parenting rules. For example, you may be against having your children sleep in your bed, and have children that happily sleep away all night tucked into their own comfy beds. But a newly adopted child, especially a toddler or preschooler, may really need the comfort of being close to you at night time, when emotions are stronger and fears are bigger. You may have to put aside your “no kids in mom’s bed” rule for awhile and allow your new child to bond to you and find comfort in sleeping snuggly with mom and dad.

The needs of a newly adopted child are unique, and it’s important to be able to do things differently than you may have in the past, to meet your new child’s needs.

-Beware of over-stimulating a new child. With everything so new to your child, they do not need to be inundated with every new toy, article of clothing, family member and friend all at once. This will almost surely be overwhelming. Many parents report more than one or two new toys at a time being too much. Many experts recommend “cocooning” your family to some extent, and limiting visitors at first so that the new child can start to form secure bonds with immediate family members first.

-Remember the phrase, “this too shall pass.” Difficult or stressful transitions are less difficult to deal with when we remember they are only temporary.

-And have fun! Remember to enjoy your new child. Go to the park and play. Sit at the table and color together. Play dress up. Go swimming. Laugh. Cuddle. Create memories. Enjoy life together as a new family.