Yesterday, as the pharmacist was handing me this huge bag of medications and I started to walk away with it, I was really overwhelmed with emotions.

None of these thoughts were new, and I am usually not a very dramatic kind of gal, but for some reason, I got very emotional.

It was overwhelming to me that my little girl needed all of that to stay well, and that without those medications, she would eventually suffer, waste away and die. It was overwhelming that that bag of medications would now be a part of her daily routine for the rest of her life…that she would have to be constantly aware about taking her meds, having enough meds, bringing them with her anywhere she travels, etc. So on one hand, it was overwhelming in a sad sort of way.

And on the other hand, I was so grateful to be standing there holding that bag of medications. I am grateful that they exist today, and that the future is so bright and full of hope and promise for kids with HIV. What an indescribable blessing it is that kids with HIV can now live long, full and healthy lives.

I was very emotional with the knowledge that if Belane has been born anywhere else in Ethiopia besides that capital city of Addis, that she would not have been brought to AHOPE…she wouldn’t have had access to their excellent care, and she would not have had the opportunity to be adopted. If she had been born anywhere else in Ethiopia…she most likely would not be alive a few years from now, or even still today.

I couldn’t help but think of all the kids who will never have a mom to care for them while they live their lives with this disease, and I couldn’t help but think of all the moms who have kids with HIV and will never get to hold that precious bag of life saving medications. My heart broke for the moms that instead of watching their kids grow and thrive, will have to watch them be sick and die, if they don’t die first themselves. I was painfully aware of how unfair it is that that is the reality for so many.

I was overwhelmed with feeling so blessed, so lucky and so spoiled that my little girl will be ok, while so many others won’t. And outrageously grateful.

Yes indeed, it was an emotional day, and I just wasn’t expecting it. I had started feeling somewhat emotional about it all a few days ago after reading this post on my friends blog (read it if you haven’t already). Em is an HIV nurse and an adoptive parent (and an awesome person.) But reading that post and really thinking about how badly kids with HIV/AIDS used to suffer in the U.S., and how kids still suffer with it all over the world, and how Belane very easily could have ended up suffering like that, was a lot to process.

But then we got busy again with Christmas preparations and getting things ready for our quick road trip and the emotions got pushed down.

And then they all came bubbling back up at that pharmacy counter.

Belane got her first dose of medications this morning. The first day of the rest of her life.

No matter what Santa brings Sunday night, or what my husband has up his sleeve, my very best and most precious gift this Christmas will be what was in that big brown bag that the pharmacist gave me yesterday…the gift of life for my sweet girl.