e-mail
There seems to be a prevalent habit amongst the general public of labeling anyone who lives their life outside of the narrow-minded guidelines of “normal”, as “crazy”.
You have more than three kids? You must be crazy.
You are adopting internationally? You must be crazy.
You chose to have a transracial family? You must be crazy.
You are adopting more than once? You must be crazy.
You adopted three kids in one year? You are crazy.
You adopted a child with HIV? You really are crazy.
You have 10 kids? On purpose? You are really crazy.
I have heard it all before. Everyone from the UPS man to the woman from the insurance company who called to make sure that our file wasn’t incorrect (”because it says here that you have TEN children”), feels compelled to tell me that I am crazy.
The thing is, I am not crazy. I promise. I am not crazy in the “should be checked into an asylum” sort of way, and I am not crazy in the “ripping my hair out from all of the stress” kind of way either. I am happy. I am blessed. I love my life and I enjoy my life, even if it isn’t what most people would consider normal. It’s normal for me.
I am writing this post to encourage any of you who are considering transracial adoption, and may be facing some resistance or negativity from family, friends, co-workers or the UPS man. I see many posts on forums and email groups from parents who decided to adopt, and excitedly told their friends and extended family members their big news, only to be met with disapproval and accusations of “craziness”. I know how discouraging that can be.
If you have done your research on transracial adoption, if you feel that you are ready for both the blessings and the challenges of raising a child of a different race than yourself, and if you are confident in your mind and feel in your heart that transracial adoption is right for you and your family, then I say “go for it”.
Do not let people who have different views, different priorities and different ideals rain on your parade.
My advice is to connect with other adoptive parents through your adoption agency, through blogs, through email groups and forums or through local support groups. You feel a lot less “crazy” when you realize how many other families there are out there, living their lives outside of normal. And you know what? It’s kind of fun over here.
What an AWESOME photo and a beautiful family!!!
OMG I LOOOOVE that picture!!!! Coming from a mom who got called crazy this week (although in a joking manner), I really appreciate your post. “It’s normal for me” really hits home-thanks Erin!
Thanks for this post, Erin. You are such an encouragement to a crazy mother such as myself.
Erin, I’m tired of being called crazy, after almost 20 years of hearing it. I am tired of my desire and ability to parent many children being looked down upon and judged by people who don’t even know me. I’m tired of people reading blogs where I talk about normal family life and it’s twisted to “prove” i have “too many”. (Really – can ANY family keep all their socks together?!) I am not crazy and I am not a saint. But right now, where people are preventing legally adopted children from actually being home with me, because I’m “crazy” and “surely” can’t take care of “that many” kids, I’m just tired of it. I’m tired of the judgement, but even more than that, I am tired of the judgement and malicious actions that often come with that statement. I’ll quote Cindy B here “Don’t tell me I can’t do it – I already am”. Don’t keep judging ME becaue YOU can’t do it!
Wow, God brought me to your blog today for a reason. We applied in Feb. to adopt a baby girl from Ethiopia. As of today, with lots of praying and talking, we have changed our application to two children. I am so excited but right before I read your blog I was getting that “pit” in my stomach thinking about telling our family and friends.
Thanks to you, I feel more at ease with knowing we are doing what God has asked of us and He will equip us (me as a stay-at-home mom) to deal with criticism and “crazy” talk! Thanks.
I don’t think it’s crazy.
I think it’s wonderful. I can’t wait until I get to adopt kids!
I hear you all!! I had a “friend” who had 2 children tell me I couldn’t parent 8 children when my hubby and I started doing foster care 13 yrs. ago. She said her two ran her ragged and so nobody could possibly have that many kids!! She got other friends and family members on her side and it was so depressing!! I have felt that I had to “prove” myself over and over again all these years. My kids have to be the best dressed, best-behaved, smartest, etc. or we’re criticized in some way. My kids are not allowed a single mistake without someone implying or outright accusing us of having too many kids (we have 10 now – just because we can!!) We even had a psychiatrist tell us that our kids had behavior problems specifically because they live in a large family!! I’m tired too. I’m so glad I found this site, it gives me inspiration to keep on going, keep on parenting my “normal” family.
A whole room full of potential tickle victims! (It’s so hard to defend against an attack of the tickle bug when your head’s on the floor.) What a hoot!
As for crazy, I have a different definition … of course, blogging might come into it somewhere.;-)
Small families are such a recent trend.
Great post!!
“Crazy’ must be the word when you mention adoption– my husband and I have heard it many times – we just say, “yes we probably are crazy but we are adopting anyway”!
Crazy is what keeps life beautiful and interesting.
I’ll take crazy any day.
Its funny, I have been watching my neighbor’s little 15 month old all week and was curious to see what the general public reaction would be, as I am blonde hair, blue eyes, yet he has dark coffee skin and a beautiful head of black curly hair. We live in a small town in the mountains, however much to the surprise of most visitors this town is the most accepting of interracial families I have ever come across, people here just don’t bat an eye.
Everyone simply assumes he is my son, despite our vastly different appearance. Now step outside the town, or just close to the interstate where people from all over are shopping at Walmart and the stares, the ‘looks’ whispering and the not so subtle pointing begin. Its funny how what is accepted as normal can change so vastly from one place to another, especially when there are only a few miles inbetween!
“crazy” is thinking your experiences/viewpoints should rule other people’s decisions. Sheesh!
God calls us all to our own individual (yes, INDIVIDUAL) situations and, if 10 children is where you’re supposed to be, then NO ONE (and I mean NO ONE) has the right to tell you otherwise! You just enjoy that beautiful family
So there!!
I think your family sounds wonderful and not crazy at all! I am a mama of 4 who sure hopes the Lord has more planned for us!
I would love to be as crazy as you!
(-:
Hey lmg1567 – I totally get ya – we also have to be “perfect” – I bake bread, sew clothes, cook from scratch, take my kids to the dentist twice a year, the Dr at least once a year, do individual b-day parties for each of them, but when I blogged about a son getting a scrape on his forehead and putting a picture of it on my blog, it was turned into “child received a head injury” due to neglect. WHen my 17 yo missed the bus home (this would be one with a bus pass, a phone and friends who drive), it became an accusation that we “abandoned a child at school and did not notice them missing for several hours”. You just can’t win. Oh, and my 3 months in Africa to try to adopt, over 2 different trips? That was used against me too. I’m tired of it, I tell ya. ANd I totally get it . . . .
Crazy Shmazy….I’m calling us the New Normal!
You are Crazy. So are all the rest of us. Let’s run the asylum.