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Along with the blogs that they provide on a variety of topics, Adoption.com also provides a long list of message board adoption forums designated for the discussion of different types of adoption and different adoption related issues.
As the blogger for the Transracial adoption blog, I often check out the transracial adoption forum to see what people are talking about. Lately a discussion has come up that I thought was important enough to address on this blog.
The question was asked (I am summarizing), “Is it ever ok to be selective about race, or is it always an excuse for prejudice?”
I am not going to discuss parents who are only open to a child that is the same race as themselves since this is the “transracial adoption” blog, but what I am going to discuss is when adoptive parents are open to children of some races and not others.
Well, here are my thoughts on this.
No parent should ever adopt a child that they are not 100% comfortable in accepting fully and loving wholly.
What is right for one family is not right for another, and every family has to ultimately make an educated decision on what is best for them.
I believe that there are limited circumstances in which perspective adoption parents have legitimate reasons for being open “only” to children of some races, and yet not others. For instance, a Caucasian family may live in an area with a large Hispanic population, in which they have a lot of Hispanic friends, etc. so they would feel comfortable with a Hispanic child, but that is the only type of transracial adoption that they would consider.
However, I personally have a big problem with the people that are open to children of Asian or Hispanic heritages, but are not open to black children, merely because at first glance, an Asian child or Hispanic child is physically “less different” from Caucasian than a black child is. This is a dangerous way of thinking, because the issues involved with transracial adoption are no less real with an Asian or Hispanic child, just because they look “less” different.
A transracial adoption is a transracial adoption, and if prospective adoptive parents are unwilling to consider a black child for whatever reason, whether it be prejudice in themselves, prejudice in the extended family, concerns about the community’s reaction, concerns about not “knowing” the culture, etc., they need to do some serious soul-searching on whether any transracial adoption is right for them.
It is true that a white couple with a cute little Asian baby will draw less attention and the differences will be less noticeable than they would with a cute little black baby, but that Asian baby is still going to grow up in a transracial family and will need to know about his or her culture, heritage, country of birth, etc. and will need parents committed to instilling knowledge and pride in who he is and where he is from. He will still have to deal with prejudice in his life and he will still grow up as a minority in America. There will still be people in the world that think that adoption is “wrong”.
Now obviously I am not saying that every family needs to adopt a black child and that there is something wrong with families adopting Asian or Hispanic children, because our family adopted two Asian children and there are countless Asian and Hispanic children waiting for forever families. When we chose to adopt from Vietnam and Korea, we did so because that is where we knew our children were and those were the right programs for us at that time. However, we also knew that we were open to a child of any race and felt prepared and excited about becoming a transracial family.
I just encourage all perspective adoptive parents to seriously look at what they are “open” to in regards to race, and WHY and to be sure that they are ready to be a transracial family. Like I said, there are legitimate reasons “why” a family could only be open to certain races, but, all too often adoptive parents are open to all possible children accept black children with no real reason other than they are “too different”.
So, on this topic I have to say that for one, no adoptive parent should be open to adopting a child that they are not completely comfortable with and excited about parenting with their whole hearts. No child should ever be brought into a family as a “second best” or “less desirable” option. But two, all perspective adoptive parents should have some real conversations and do some serious soul searching on what race of children they are open to and why, and be completely sure that no matter what adoption program they ultimately decide is right for their family, that they are honestly and fully prepared.
I think that often times adoptive parents tend to forget that just because a child “looks” like you, doesn’t mean they don’t need to learn about their heritage also. For example, people who adopt from Russia or the Ukraine, etc, to have a “white” child. Just because they’re white, doesn’t mean they share your background.
Angela
Erin,
The news about Belane is public!! Horrah.
I just got back from Kenya last night and spent LOTS of time in orphanages. I would have happily brought any of the children home with me…but there was one that literally stole my heart. She was HIV positive too, 3 months old and I felt like I was abandoning her when I left her there. I met hundreds of kids and just this one got me. Kenya doesn’t allow adoption w/out a 3 month (minimum) residency requirement…so there is no going back for her for me….
As a founder of a charity that teaches HIV Prevention in Africa….the one thing that we are always telling the kids is that HIV is NOT a fatal disease here, just a chronic one. She is will have her own challenges b/c of her HIV status, but the expectation is that she can live the same normal, healthy life that the rest of your kids do. What a blessing she will be to your family.
Can’t wait to hear more updates…and we just passed phase one of Reluctant Husband Syndrome….we are sending in our dossier for Ethiopia….. FINALLLY