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Today was Enu’s seventh birthday! We had a great time. She handled all the stimulation and cake and ice cream well, and was so pleased with her gifts and her guests as well as the amazing party her mom threw her (patting myself on the back here!)
One of my favorite things that happened today was one of the cards she received. Her friend gave her a gorgeous little girl’s card with a brown mermaid on the front! I asked the little girls mom where she found it and she said “WalMart”.
I had found my card for Enu there as well, in the Ebony section of Hallmark cards. This section had two choices for little girls and bought both of them when I found them because I was afraid I’d not find one if I waited. So Mita got one in February and Enu got hers today.
But the Mermaid Card was in the REGULAR CHILDREN’S CARDS! I realize that I am yelling here. For all of you moms and dads who have looked, looked and looked for the appropriate card with brown babies, kids and families, you know why I am so happy. Cards, toys, T shirts, television shows and movies are sorely lacking brown figures. It makes me sad that I have a hard time finding a simple greeting card for my daughters. It was also sweet that her friend had picked it out for her because she knew Enu like mermaids and this mermaid looked like her with cute, curly hair.
My mom-in-law has also mentioned how hard it is for her to find cards/toys that look like my kids. Sometimes we settle for the cute little kitten card or animal over the “white” selection and that is okay in a pinch. I don’t think my kids will be ruined for life if their birthday card doesn’t have an exact replica of them on the cover every time. I do, however, want them to feel represented and not like they are so different than everyone else.
If I look back I realize that I do this for all of my kids, not just Mita and Enu. I refused to buy blond hair dolls and pictures for Meg when she was little, because she has beautiful golden, brown hair and blond seems to be so much more “preferred” over brown or black. Now Elle has blond hair and blue eyes. I can find a million things that look like her. If all of my kids looked like her, I probably wouldn’t even notice these deficiencies.
It is so amazing how much your prospective changes with the adoption of a child who doesn’t “match” you. I am a better, more aware person and my family is all the better for it as well. I guess I ‘ll just keep nagging away at card-makers and making due with what is available or making things myself!
I’m the editor of the paper in Fitchburg (near Madison) and am writing an article on transracial adoption, specifically black children by white parents. I’m seeking comments from parents about the challenges and opportunities such adoptions offer. If you’d care to comment, please contact me this week at kgutknecht@gmail.com. I apologize for the intrusion.
Thanks!