While bringing home a new child is usually a much-anticipated event, those early days, weeks and months together are often challenging, as the new child adjusts to life in a new family, and the family gets used to having a new member.

In my next few posts I will offer up some tips for your early days together, and share some things that you can do to promote bonding and attachment and make your adjustment period as easy as possible on parents and children.

Today's tip is to "cocoon".

When your child first comes home, you should cocoon your family as much as possible. While it can be really challenging to accomplish this, especially with other children in the home with busy schedules, every family can do it to some degree.

As much as possible, limit your family's comings and goings. While you likely have many family members and friends who are anxious to come and meet your new child, keep visitors to a minimum at first. Your child needs to learn who their new parents are and who their new family members are, and one of the best ways to accomplish that is to limit the other people in his life for awhile.

With children who are struggling with attachment, it is often "easier" and "safer" to show affection and interact with anyone other than their new parents, and if there are lots of other people around and you are giving your child a choice of who to interact with, you could be hindering your own bonding and attachment with your child.

On the flip side, some kids get very scared of "strangers" and more new people. Giving your child time to settle in with his new family and in his new home can help make him feel safe and secure. In her early weeks home, our Belane would be happy and playing, and then someone would come over to visit and see her (and it was obvious they were there to see her) and she would clam up and hide her face on my shoulder and then be "off" for a good hour or so after they left. She had the same response when we went out and people tried to talk to her.

Newly adopted children also get overwhelmed easily. Running errands that are "no big deal" for us, such as a quick trip to the grocery store, can be hugely overstimulating and overwhelming to a child, and when a child gets overstimulated and overwhelmed, tantrums and meltdowns are likely to follow.

I have a good friend who calls the early days with a new child the "babymoon". I love that phrase! Just like a newly married couple gets a "honeymoon" and needs some time alone right after the wedding, a new family needs time to get to know each other and settle in to a new life together.

By cocooning your family, you will also be minimizing your own stress (by not spending time running around), you will be able to focus more attention on your family, you will be familiarizing your child with his new home and life and getting him into a schedule, and you will be promoting attachment and bonding.

So, give yourself a "babymoon", and create some time for your family to bond and adjust with as few interruptions as possible.


*Photo from Liquid Library