I have been sharing some tips to make life easier for you and your family when your new child comes home. Since this is a time of significant adjustment for your entire family, it is a time that calls for some "special treatment".

My tip for today is to create a schedule and stick to it as much as possible, and provide structure for your new child.

A predictable schedule and structure helps make a child feel safe and secure, and this is especially important for a child whose entire life has just been turned upside down. Newly adopted children often feel very out of control, and having a predictable routine and knowing where their boundaries are can really help them regain a sense of control over their life (which in turn typically leads to happier kids and better behavior).

Some families always have a predictable schedule to their days, and other families are a lot more laid back. Even if you are normally the more "laid back" type, being more structured during your child's first weeks home can really benefit everyone.

Kids like to know what to expect. Even very young babies are comforted with predictable routines for meals, baths and bedtimes. While you do not need to have every minute of your day scheduled, it is a good idea to have set times for meals, naps and bedtimes, and predictable routines around those things.

Very quickly after coming home, Belane caught on to our family's bedtime routine, and she loved knowing what to expect during the day. She would tell me after lunch, "Now nap, then snack, then play."

Structure is important because when your child first comes home, he will be trying to figure out what his limits are, how you will react when he pushes those limits, which rules are negotiable, which rules aren't, etc. While kids often rebel against limits and rules (and definitely love to test them), they need them and having limits and rules in place helps them feel safe.

While it is easy to want to be more lenient than usual with a new child because of all they are going through (and in some areas, like sleeping and eating, you will likely have to make some transitions), but for the most part, you should not allow your child to get away with anything in his first days and weeks home that you don't want to see him doing months down the road. As much as possible you also shouldn't allow your new child to "get away" with anything that your other children are not allowed to do, as this can lead to sibling rivalry (although again, with regards to sleeping and eating you may need to make exceptions).


If hitting and spitting are unacceptable, then make that clear early on. Seat belts are a must. No throwing toys. Be nice to the dog. You certainly don't want to overwhelm a new child with rules, but at the same time, he needs to know the basics of what is expected (especially in regards to safety and being kind to others).

That is my tip for today. As much as possible when your child first comes home, make life predictable and make limits clear. Doing these things will help your child settle in to his new home and new life, and will help him feel safe and secure.

More tips:

Bringing home a new child - lower your expectations

Bringing home a new child - Cocoon

* Photo from Liquid Library