e-mail
Now for some advice on how to move past the fear of not being able to love an adopted child as “your own”, or as much as you love your biological children.
-Talk to other adoptive families. While there are some adoptions that do not have a happy ending, an overwhelming majority of adoptions turn out beautifully. Many adoptive parents are more than happy to talk about their experiences, their fears in the beginning and how things turned out for them. Hearing another adoptive parent admit to having similar concerns early on in their adoption process, and then seeing them united with their new child and completely in love with him or her, is very reassuring.
If you can spend some time with other adoptive families, that is ideal. I remember seeing a family with their Chinese daughter, back when we were considering adopting. I saw them holding her and playing with her and their other children and it was so obvious how much she was loved and just “one of the family”. It was very encouraging and exciting.
-To connect with other adoptive parents, you can join one of the Adoption.com forums, join a Yahoo adoption group, join an adoption support group in your area or ask a local adoption agency for references in your area.
-Another great way to get reassurance from other adoptive parents is to read adoption stories online. You can find a large selection of adoption stories here on Adoption.com. Blogs are also a great way to read about other adoptive families’ experiences. Mary at Owlhaven has a large list of Ethiopian adoption blogs here, and many of the other Adoption.com blogs not only share their personal adoption stories, but those of other families as well.
I can say that when it comes to our family, there is no difference in the way that I love my three biological sons compared to the way I love my sons and daughters that joined us through adoption. They all make me smile and laugh, they all can be frustrating, they all present unique challenges, they all have unique talents and each one brings something special to our family. They all equally belong in this family and they all have equal parts of my heart. Each one is an amazing and special blessing that I am lucky enough to have call me “Mom”. Loving them is easy.
Additional Resources (and don’t miss all the links in the blog posts)
Entitlement Issues:Are We The Real Parents?
Information on Attaching and Bonding
Wow, beautifully written Erin. I’m glad I have such a wise friend that shared these things with me before we adopted.
Erin,
I just wanted to say that this was one of my concerns prior to adoption. Our son has been home 1 1/2 months now. I was just telling my husband the other night, that I love Daniel as much as my bio children and it has been an awesome experience. He agreed completely. I just wish I had not spent so much time, prior to the adoption, worrying about all of the “what if’s.”
Sue