In my previous post I started discussing the "transracial adoption roadblock" of racial issues. These are probably the biggest and most complex issues surrounding transracial adoption, and are not ones that can be wrapped up neatly with a bow.

A fear that I have heard expressed by many prospective adoptive parents is their worry that they can do a good job raising a child of another race. A lot of times parents start off confident that they can do just that, and then they start educating themselves and doing some reading. They inevitably come across an article or blog written by an adult adoptee who is not a supporter of transracial adoption (some are strongly against transracial adoption even, based on their own experiences as an adoptee). Prospective adoptive parents read that, and worry that that is the way that their child will feel as an adult, and in comes the fear.

To me, whenever I hear a parent that is considering adopting transracially express such fears, I see it as a good thing. It shows me that these parents are really thinking about and caring about the racial issues. They are considering how their child will feel as an Asian child or as a black child or as a Hispanic child in a white family. They are worrying about how they will give that child a healthy sense of self, and pride in and knowledge of who they are, their culture and where they are from.

It is the parents that DON’T worry about these things that worry me. The parents that go with the “love is all we need and it will all be fine” line of thought are the ones that I worry about.

As adoptive parents in this day and age, we have learned a lot from the adoptive parents that came years before us, both in the sense of what not to do, and what we need to do.

For example, we know now that we can’t just treat our transracially adopted children as “white”. We can’t be colorblind. We can’t ignore the fact that they don’t look like us. The truth is, these kids KNOW that they aren’t white, and they know that they don’t look like us. They know that they have roots somewhere else, and another people that they belong to in some way. Ignoring that and sweeping it all under the proverbial carpet does real harm.

Instead, we know that our transracially adopted children NEED to have us discuss with them physical differences as well as the similarities. They need to be taught about their culture. They need opportunities (not forced on them, but constantly available) to connect with people of their race and culture and have role models that look like they do. They need to see that their culture is important to us, as their parents.

Transracial adoptive parents of today have the benefit of oodles of education and preparation available to us. A good place to start is the Transracial/Transcultural Adoption page on Adoption.com. It has information on preparing for a transracial adoption, cross-cultural parenting, statistics, etc.

In my next post I will discuss the reasons why, despite the complications, I am a proud supporter of transracial adoption.