The best way to avoid the type of situations that I mentioned in the last post is for adoptive and perspective adoptive families to ask questions.

Once you determine that an agency is ethical, that is a great starting point. But then you need to determine if the agency is the right fit for you.

First, you need to decide what type of child (what age, gender, level of special needs, etc.) you feel is right for your family, and why.

Then you need to ask question to the agency you are considering. What questions you ask will depend on what unique situations your family has and what type of child you hope to adopt.

Here are some questions to ask that I have found to be “issues” for families I know.

-Do they allow families to choose the gender in infant adoptions?
-Do they allow families to adopt children out of birth order?
-How close together will they allow you to start another adoption?
-Are they supportive of large families?
-Do they allow families to adopt children close in age to other children already in the home?
-Do they allow the adoption of two unrelated children?
-Do they allow you to complete your adoption if you (or your wife) becomes pregnant during the adoption process?

There are agencies that are more “strict” and have more “policies” against these sorts of situations and will not bend. There are agencies that are much more relaxed and don’t have set policies or rules, but instead look at each unique child and family and determine if it is a good fit. And then there are adoption agencies that have general policies, but are willing to bend them for waiting children, etc. if the adoptive family can show that they are prepared to tackle the extra challenges.

It is also important to ask how different situations are handled. How would an agency handle it if an international adoption program was shut down while you were in process? How would an agency handle it if a mother changed her mind in a domestic adoption? How would they handle it if you were not able to complete an adoption after you had started the paperwork process and paid some fees?

Ask how things are handled when families travel, how referrals are given, how the agency communicates with the family, etc.

There is no such thing as a stupid question when it comes to choosing an adoption agency. And the time to ask these questions is before you give that agency a penny of your money or a sheet of your hard-earned paperwork.

All adoptive parents should enter into a partnership with their agency knowing that they have not only chosen an agency that is ethical and committed to ethical adoptions, but that they have chosen an agency that is the right fit for their family and their adoption.