One thing that I realized early on in our first adoption, was the way that how throughout the adoption process, you have to continually reconfirm your decision to adopt.

Sure, a couple may decide one night after much discussion, “o.k., let’s do it. Let’s adopt a child.” But oftentimes, when they have to fill out the mountain of paperwork for their homestudy, or send in a big chunk of money to immigration, or choose an adoption agency, or any other one of the other seemingly endless steps in the adoption process, they have to reconfirm that decision to adopt and to keep moving forward.

I remind you that ALL parents, no matter how they are becoming parents, have second thoughts at times. I remember having two young toddlers and being very pregnant with my third. My husband was working long, rotating shifts and I was tired and feeling really overwhelmed one night. I remember thinking, “What on earth are we doing having another baby?” But of course at seven months pregnant, that baby was coming! The next morning I woke up and felt better and life went on.

But with adoption, each step is also an “out” of sorts, or an opportunity to change your mind. The process does not move forward without your continuing participation and dedication. There is no “done deal” until that child is in your arms (and sadly, some parents even change their minds at that point.)

My advice is to hold on to the end result. Remember WHY you want to adopt, whether it is to be first time parents or to add to your existing family. Remember your desire for that child. Imagine the child you are “working” towards. Remember those excited feelings you had when you decided to adopt in the first place. Hold on to that in your heart.

Remember that it is NORMAL for parents adding another child to have doubts, concerns and second thoughts. It doesn’t mean what you are doing isn’t right. It means you’re human.

Some days life will get overwhelming and you will question if adding a child is right. Some days you will be super busy and not have time to "deal" with the adoption paperwork. Some day you will read an article about racial issues, or an article written by an adult adoptee that challenges transracial adoption, and you will question your decision. If adopting is right for you, you will move past those days and be able to keep yourself committed to your adoption.

And as I have advised lots of times, talk to other adoptive parents. Share your concerns and listen to theirs. Visit with adoptive families and see how happy they are with their children and remind yourself that the end result is well worth the challenges.


Here is another great resources from Adoption.com. It is the the Self-Assessment Adoption Quiz, to help you evaluate your desire and commitment to adopt.

My next post will be on reluctant spouses (when one spouse wants to adopt and one is not ready), and when extended family disapproves of a transracial adoption. Both of these situations can make choosing to adopt complicated.