As I said when I started this category, I meet a lot of people who comment to me (seemingly genuinely) that they have “always wanted” to adopt, but just never have. It got me to thinking about what stops some people from moving forward.

Specifically choosing to adopt transracially is often even more complicated and difficult than just deciding to adopt, because of the extra issues involved with becoming a transracial family. Choosing to parent a child of a different race is not a decision that should be made lightly, and is one that a lot of thought, research and preparation should go in to.

Today I am going to talk about the very beginning of the process, the actual deciding to pursue a transracial adoption. This is a very big deal, and often a very emotional process.

Some people say that they remember even as children wanting to grow up and adopt a child. Some people find themselves choosing adoption after struggling with and suffering through infertility. Some people have children, and then learn about adoption one way or another (TV special, magazine article, meeting an adoptive family, etc.), and decide it sounds like a great way to expand their family. For some people it is a first choice in becoming parents, made for a variety of possible reasons.

No matter your situation, deciding to adopt is a huge life change. For people choosing adoption after infertility, it is deciding to “give up”, at least for the time being, on the idea and hopes of getting pregnant and having a biological child.

For all parents, it is deciding to invest a lot of time, take on a lot of stress and spend a lot of money in order to have a child, or another child. It is also (or should also be) a commitment to making many issues “yours”, which otherwise may not be. Especially for transracial adoptions, choosing adoption is choosing to take on issues like prejudice, that otherwise may not have affected the family much at all.

Seven years ago, although issues like prejudice, stereotypes, racial profiling and blind hatred existed in abundance, as a white family, we were able to live "blissfully unaware" of them for the most part. Today, with two Asian children and five black children added to our family, the issues we were previously able to ignore are now issues that affect our family directly.

Transracial families are also choosing the responsibility of incorporating a new culture into their family. A white family adopting a Chinese baby is not going to be a white family with a Chinese baby…it is going to be a transracial family.

All families are taking on adoption-related issues, such as how to handle talking about adoption with children, loss and grief, bonding and attachment issues, etc.

When you look at all that is involved, it is easy to see how some people can "think it's a great idea", but never take the step forward. Or how some people even start the process, but stall out somewhere in the middle. Sometimes life is just busy and puts adoption plans on the back burner, and sometimes the issues or the money or some other aspect of the process becomes too intimidating or overwhelming.

Here is a great article from Adoption.com called “Where do I Start? Getting started in Adoption.” It offers a series of questions to ask yourself when deciding to adopt that are wonderful and thought-provoking.