There are many articles in the media about transracial adoption. Often times I read some of these articles and feel that they have somehow fallen short of truly capturing the essence of transracial adoption.

This article, titled “My First Lesson in Motherhood”, from the New York Times, is different. I read this article and thought to myself, “that is what it is all about.”

The article tells the story of a young couple who have suffered through infertility and chosen to adopt to get the baby they so strongly desired. The decided to adopt from China, and after months of paperwork and preparation, received a referral for a beautiful baby girl.

They traveled to China a short while later, only to notice a concerning scar and some warning signs in the baby’s development (or lack there of) shortly after receiving her. A visit to a doctor and then to a hospital result in the parents being shocked with a grim prognosis for the baby they had longed for for so long.

In the article the family shares their thoughts and worries. They remember how early on in the process when they had to fill out the form saying which special needs, if any, they were willing to accept in a child, they had only chosen a very few, very minor special needs, as they were first time parents and did not think that they could handle anything more significant.

As they were mourning the healthy daughter they thought they would receive and imagining what life would be like with a child with significant health challenges, they were offered a “replacement baby”. They could leave the first baby in China, and travel home as planned with a new, healthy baby girl.

From the NY Times article –

I pictured myself boarding the plane with some faceless replacement child and then explaining to friends and family that she wasn’t Natalie, that we had left Natalie in China because she was too damaged, that the deal had been a healthy baby and she wasn’t.

How would I face myself? How would I ever forget? I would always wonder what happened to Natalie.
I knew this was my test, my life’s worth distilled into a moment. I was shaking my head “No” before they finished explaining. We didn’t want another baby, I told them. We wanted our baby, the one sleeping right over there. “She’s our daughter,” I said. “We love her.”

So the couple brought home baby Natalie, and although they faced some medical challenges with her, the original diagnosis was incorrect, and she is now a happy, healthy little girl that is thriving in her family.

I love adoption stories like this. I love adoption stories that advocate for special needs children. I love adoption stories of hope. I love adoption stories that show children overcoming great odds. I love adoption stories that show what an amazing difference love can make in the life of a child.

This article is a great reminder that there are no guarantees in adoption (or in life). It is a great reminder that no matter what we check or don’t on the little “special needs” chart in the paperwork, adopting a child is not as simple as ordering a sweater from a catalogue. It is a great reminder that special needs kids are just as deserving of love and a family, and are no less of a blessing to their parents.

It is a great reminder that we are all capable of handling more than we think, and it is a great reminder of what parenthood, adoption and life are all about.