Faith over on the Adoptive Parenting Blog wrote an interesting post today on a topic that is rarely talked about in adoption circles. Her post is titled "Raising a Less Physically Attractive Adopted Child".

In a nutshell, Faith points out that not all children are "magazine cover" beautiful, and yet at the same time, all children are truly beautiful. However, in the shallow world in which we live in, many people value physical beauty as a highly important trait.

We say that "beauty is only skin deep" and that "it is what is inside that counts", but do people really mean that when they say it?? I know that some people mean it, but I am equally sure that many people do not.

One of our daughters was turned down by two possible adoptive families after they were told that she was tall for her age and over weight. Even though she was only six years old, and was still truly a beautiful child, one of the other potential moms said that she was not the "little" and "cute" daughter that they hoped for.

This family was choosing to adopt transracially, they were choosing to adopt older children and were open to a sibling group, but they were not willing to consider a child who was a little overweight??

Another daughter of ours has a birth defect on her face that affects her smile. She was overlooked by many an adoptive parent, and was two months away from being labeled "unadoptable" and being institutionalized for the rest of her child hood when we were matched with her. Now she did have other special needs that I am sure scared off other parents, however, she was on a list with many special needs kids that had special needs as serious as hers and more so, and while they found families quickly, she waited longer than just about any of them.

Amanda and Maggie are the same age. They are the same size and they are both Asian. They are always together. And it drives me utterly crazy that people constantly stand in front of the two of them and go on and on about how beautiful Maggie is and ignore Amanda. It is so utterly insensitive, and, if people truly believed that "true beauty comes from within", then they would not think that Maggie was somehow more beautiful just because she has round cheeks and an even smile. They are both beautiful, inside and out, and it breaks this mom's heart that the world doesn't always see them that way.

The truth is that waiting children who are "extra beautiful" or "extra cute" get chosen by adoptive families more quickly. They are somehow easier to take a chance on, easier to choose and easier to fall in love with. Kids with physical differences (especially facial ones), kids who are overweight, girls who are not classically "beautiful" and boys who are not classically "handsome" often wait much longer than children who could be on the cover of a magazine.

I think that any prospective adoptive parent who would turn down a child based on looks has some soul-searching to do.

Most people would never choose friends by their physical traits and characteristics, so it does not make much sense to choose your children that way either. I personally do believe that every child is a miracle, and I know that cheeky smiles and crooked smiles are equally beautiful.

***Time is running out! If you have not yet participated, make sure you visit this post and enter the fun giveaway for National Adoption Month thanks to Curls.

* Picture from Liquid Library