Is love color blind? Does color matter? These are some hot topics when it comes to transracial adoption.Many people that say, "Color doesn't matter...love is colorblind". And while it is a lovely idea, I do not believe that is is a realistic or healthy attitude for adoptive parents to have. To be honest, color DOES matter. It matters to your extended family, it matters to your community, it matters to people you see in Walmart, and most importantly, it matters to your adopted child.

Color matters because it is part of that child's identity. It is part of who they are. Two of my daughters are my children, they are equal members of our family and they are many other things, but they are also "black" or "African American" or whatever term you prefer. I am a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend and many other things, and I am Irish-Polish (STUBBORN combination!!!!)

To "look past" a child's color, and in effect their heritage, you are taking away the opportunity for them to embrace who they are. In our family we have all shades of skin color and multiple ethnic back grounds. We do not ignore them...I am not "color blind". Instead, we celebrate our Asian daughters gorgeous black hair, and our AA children's beautiful huge eyes and all the different wonderful shades of their skin. We know that our family stands out and we acknowledge that and talk about it. We talk about why people stare at us in public...we talk about racism....we talk about coping mechanisms for when they run into it (which they inevitably will). We believe that knowledge is power. If you don't acknowlege or talk about it when a child is of a different race than their parents, you are taking away the opportunity to have a lot of healthy conversation.

Talking about racial differences opens the door for healthy adoption conversations (even though I don't look like you, I am your REAL mom), conversations on racism (there are still people in the world who don't treat people who aren't white equally...has that ever happened to you?) and conversations that embrace culture and identify cultural role models.


In our house we go to the Black History month fair, we celebrate the Asian New Year, and we are now also learning about Ethiopian holidays, among many other things. We also celebrate St. Patricks Day, Kwanza and religious holidays. We do it all as a family....we learn together, celebrate together, and embrace each other's cultures, traditions and histories. Each different culture is equally important. It is one of the many wonderful things that make us a family.

Different does not have to mean unequal. Different BUT equal is our ideal.

We do not ignore the physical differences in our outward appearances. I believe that being "color consious" instead of "color blind" makes for healthier self-esteems in our children. When they can go to bed at night knowing that their mom and dad are proud to have an African American son, or a Vietnamese daughter, that helps them to be proud of who they are too. There is no pressure for them to feel like they should be or need to try to be anything different.


As far as our country has come in the past few decades regarding racial equality, we still have a long way to go. Once you adopt a chid of a different race than yourself, you become a transracial family. This opens you up to comments, stares, questions, etc. Every parent in a transracial adoption needs to be prepared for these situations. And, as the parent of your child, it is your job to prepare them to live in a world that is not colorblind. To ignore a child's color or race and raise them in a "colorblind" environment would leave them grossly unprepared for "the real world".

So, I am against parents aiming to be "colorblind". I know that when most people say this that they are trying to say something good, and I do understand where it is coming from. When I look at my kids, I just see my kids. I do not see "an adopted daughter" or a "biological son", or a "white kid" or a "black kid", they are all just my awesome, wonderful kids. They are different in color, size, shape, ethinicity and many other ways, but they all have an equal part of my heart.

Our kids need us to accept, love, cherish and celebrate who they are, color included.

I chose this as my first topic because it is one that I hear often. My advice for all parents adopting tranracially or considering doing so would be to throw out the word "colorblind". Embrace your child's "color", their culture, their hertiage, and who they are and where they come from. Love them equally. Be proud of their differences, and help them find pride in who they are.

I picture a rainbow when I look at my family...An all red rainbow wouldn't be very exciting... but in a real rainbow each color is that much more brilliant because of the different colors surrounding it.