In case you have not heard this yet, on Sunday in Alabama, a family that checked into an RV park was told that their two year-old son was not allowed to use the pool, showers or common areas of the park because he is HIV+.

Silvia and Dick Glover are foster parents to little Caleb, and are in the process of adopting him. Silvia mentioned in casual conversation with someone in the park office that the boy is HIV+, when they were discussing his adoption. Shortly thereafter, they were told he could not swim or use the showers or common areas of the RV park.

The statement from the manager stated that they did not know if the HIV virus could be spread if the boy "upchucked" in the pool.

The CDC (Center For Disease Control and Prevention) states on it's page titled HIV and It's Transmission that:

HIV is spread by sexual contact with an infected person, by sharing needles and/or syringes (primarily for drug injection) with someone who is infected, or, less commonly (and now very rarely in countries where blood is screened for HIV antibodies), through transfusions of infected blood or blood clotting factors. Babies born to HIV-infected women may become infected before or during birth or through breast-feeding after birth.

Some people fear that HIV might be transmitted in other ways; however, no scientific evidence to support any of these fears has been found. If HIV were being transmitted through other routes (such as through air, water, or insects), the pattern of reported AIDS cases would be much different from what has been observed.

As a parent of an HIV+ child, this news story is upsetting to me, and it is frustrating to me how uneducated so many people in our society still are. It shows me how essential it is that education about HIV continues, not just so that we can prevent the spread of HIV, but also so that the many people who are living with this disease can do so without having to constantly be worried about being shunned out of fear like this little boy was.

Beyond this being a story about an adoptive family, it is also relevant because the number of families adopting HIV+ children, both domestically and internationally, is on the rise. As more people are learning that HIV is a chronic but manageable condition in the United States and other countries, that children who are HIV+ have normal or close to normal life expectancies with proper treatment, and that HIV can not be spread through any casual contact, more people are choosing to open their homes to these children.

HIV+ children are currently being internationally adopted by U.S. citizens from Ethiopia, Haiti, Vietnam, Guatemala, Russia and several other countries. For many HIV+ children, being internationally adopted is their only hope for getting treatment and living a long, healthy life.

Deciding how to handle our daughter's HIV socially has been more challenging than dealing with her HIV medically. She is in wonderful health. She takes her medicine twice a day. She sees her specialist four times a year. We handle blood with care. Other than that, she is like any other child (although, in my humble opinion, she is significantly cuter than the average child).

As her mom, I have struggled with wanting to keep her HIV a secret and protecting her from situations such as uneducated pool owners telling her she can't swim, and on the flip side, wanting to be open about her status so that we can educate people and not force her to live with a big secret out of fear of others' ignorance.

In the end, we chose to be cautiously open about her HIV status. We don't want her to feel like she has to hide being HIV+ or that it is something to be ashamed of. We want her to know that the people in her life love her and accept her, even though she was born with this awful virus. We didn't want it to be something she had to "let out of the closet" at some point in her life.

We have found that it takes about two minutes to tell people that she is expected to live a long and full life and that she is not a risk to the people around her, and that most people want to learn and be educated. So far, we have not had any negative reactions when we have shared her HIV status, and most people have been very supportive and encouraging.

And yet this news story is a painful reminder that there will always be people who are uneducated, and who choose to live and act in fear. I know the day will come where Belane is told she can't swim, or she can't play a sport, or she can't go to a birthday party, because she is HIV+, just like I know that she and my other black and Asian children will experience racism in their lives.

Parents who are adopting HIV+ children and children with other similar special needs, have to decide the right way for their individual family to handle disclosure. Some families choose to be open. Some families choose to keep things secret. There is no right or wrong way to handle it.

Personally, I will learn a lesson from the story above, and keep my mouth shut should we ever be visiting an RV park in the deep South.

More on HIV and adoption:

Belane's Adoption Posts

Chances By Choice

Project HOPEFUL