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We went to a nearby downtown shopping district to buy shoes and have dinner. We walked around a bit after our meal, and Jack was drawn to a large fountain in the middle of a square. At first, we were the only ones there. Then, an apparent family of six appeared on the opposite side of the fountain. Two white parents, two white boys, and two Asian girls. I wanted so much to ask if the girls were adopted. I don’t know many adoptive families nearby, you see. Plus, I love talking about adoption. However, I realize that not everyone shares my openness and enthusiasm.
All that said, is there a polite way to ask others if they built their family through adoption?
I don’t know the answer to that question. Before we adopted Jack, I remember seeing a white couple in Target with a black toddler. I’m sure I stared, which was rude enough. I didn’t think I could ask about adoption without having a child in tow, at least.
Now that I have a child in tow, I’m still not comfortable asking others about their possible adoption status. I know that I rarely mind when people ask me. It’s all in their tone, you see. Some people are just curious, and I’m OK with that. Right now, Jack’s still oblivious, but if he minds when he’s older, we can handle that, I’m sure.
I know many families from my online groups who do not have positive experiences when people ask about their adoptions. So I’m hesitant to ask anyone, lest they want to keep their adoption status, or lack thereof, private.
As for this couple, Jack went over to play with the four kids, and we did exchange greetings. That was it. Really, what might have happened if I had asked? Probably just an “Oh, that’s very nice” and then we would have gone back to our sides of the fountain. It’s not like we were going to bond in front of Nordstrom.
What do you do in situations like these?
