In my last two posts I have discussed the fear of adoption scams, and a recent article showing how ugly things can be when families put their money and trust into unethical agencies.

Here are some tips to avoid being scammed…

-Research, Research and Research! Look into agencies and programs. Talk to references (those provided by the agencies and those that are not). Join email lists and talk to parents that have used a variety of agencies. Find out why the happy families are happy, and why the dissatisfied or less satisfied families feel the way that they do. ALL agencies will have some less than happy clients. The difference is, some will have unhappy parents because they felt the communication wasn’t as good as it could be, or because they waited longer than they had hoped for a referral, and others will have parents who lost large sums of money and never got a child (and there is a huge range of problems in the middle, too).

Also remember that one of the truest tests of an agency is not how they handle adoptions when everything is running smoothly, but how they handle it when something goes wrong (which is common in adoptions of all kinds.)

-Ask hard questions. Ask how things will be handled is something big goes wrong. If a referral falls through will I get my money back? If my child dies before we go and get him will we get our money back or “credited” towards another referral? If the program closes while we are in process can our money paid go towards another program? Who is working for you in "fill-in-the-blank"? What are their credentials and experience? What are the strengths and weaknesses of this program? If it is a domestic adoption program, ask questions regarding how they treat the pregnant women that they work with, if they support openness, if money will be returned if the mother chooses to parent instead of place the baby with you, etc.

-Demand a fee schedule. Reputable agencies are not going to call and say, “Hey, do you see this girl? Isn’t she cute? If you send us $10,000 tomorrow, we’ll put her on hold for you!” Reputable agencies will give you a list of what is due when and explain what the fees are for and where they go or what they pay for. There should not be any surprises.

-Be leery of agencies that are offering referrals to parents who do not even have a homestudy completed (ESPECIALLY if they are asking for money to do so). Reputable agencies make their priority finding homes for children, not finding children for parents, and putting a child on “hold” for parents who are not paper ready is usually not in that child’s best interest. There are exceptions to this (especially if it is a special needs child or if a family can be paper ready very quickly), but no money should be paid until the paperwork is turned in. The old saying that starts, "If it seems to good to be true..." is applicable here.

-Don’t choose an agency just because you heard of someone or know of someone else that used them. And don’t assume that just because one of the agency’s programs are great, that their other programs will be great. While the ethics of the agency are very important, the ethics and qualifications of their staff abroad (in international adoptions) are equally important.

-Be very careful with "pilot" or "new" adoption programs, ESPECIALLY if it is a country that is brand new to adoption. While all adoption agencies and programs have to start somewhere, many of these "new" programs end of riddled with delays, extra and unforeseen costs and sometimes heartbreak. Know what you are getting into, and know how things will be handled if the adoption falls apart.

-Remember that you are choosing an agency to handle the growth of your family. While it is a personal thing, it is also a business relationship. They are not doing you a favor, and you do have rights. You will be handing over to them large amounts of money, as well as your hopes and dreams. Make sure they are worthy of receiving them.

For more advice on choosing an agency you can read these posts…

How to choose an adoption agency

Choosing the right adoption agency

Choosing the right adoption agency- Ethics- Part One and Part Two

Choosing the right adoption agency- Fit- Part One and Part Two