I have been writing about "mother hunger" in my last couple of posts, and how newly adopted children often have very intense needs for love, attention and physical contact from their new parents.

I got a comment on one of those posts from a mom who just brought home a new eleven month old and is having struggles with nap time. Here is her question and comment:

We just brought home an 11month little boy from Ethiopia a week ago. This time home has been fraught with ear infections, stomach trouble and sleeplessness. We have tried having him sleep in his own bed in our room, which worked for a little while, but seems to not be working now. The first few days he would take two good naps a day by himself. Now he screams and screams any time we try to put him down for a nap. With my bio boys we did not cosleep and so I am having a hard time figuring out how to work that in. He is now exhausted but will not take a nap. Any suggestions. In all the adoption reading I did before we brought him home, I never read about the simple things like nap time. Did Belane struggle with nap times as well? What did you do for her? Help. Your last two post were very encouraging in dealing with a "needy, clingy" child. For some reason this wasn't something I was prepared for..... I know you get lots of questions but if you have an suggestions I would really appreciate it.

Since trouble at nap time is a very common issue with newly adopted babies and toddlers, I thought I would write a post about this. :) (And please see below for links to the full series I wrote about newly adopted children and sleep, and our experiences with our own kids and sleep).

First let me say that yes, Belane did struggle with nap time in our early days and weeks together.

Before I offer up my advice, I want to remind you that in the early days of having a new child, you are in survival mode. Much like parents of newborns often drive around the block to get a baby to sleep, sometimes you have to be creative and look outside of your normal bag of parenting tricks when you are in survival mode.

At the same time, while you need to survive, you also want to work towards building good habits. So I advise that while you find a way to survive these early weeks, that you keep in mind that you are trying to build routines that will work for you, your new child and the rest of your family.

When I first got Belane she was petrified to sleep. While the first day or two I think she may have just been afraid of falling asleep in a new place, once she turned into "super clingy toddler" I really think she was just very, very afraid that if she fell asleep I might disappear. She thought that she had to have her eyes on me ALL of the time, and to go to sleep she had to close her eyes. That was scary for her.

Nap times are always harder with kids because it is light outside, there is lots of other stuff going on and they "could" stay awake. Belane was three years old, but still desperately needed a nap to be a nice human being for the second half of the day.

The first few days together I had to put her a hip carrier at nap time and then walk around and be busy, while completely ignoring her. She usually feel asleep pretty quickly, and once she was "out" I could lay her down and she would take a decent nap. There was no way at that point that she would lay down in a bed at naptime and sleep.

I decided that I did not want to make a habit out of that, and after a few days, at nap time I closed the curtains, darkened the room, put her in my bed and I laid down next to her and told her it was time to sleep. She struggled and fussed and tried to play for awhile, but sooner or later she got the point that I wasn't getting up, that the room was dark and that there wasn't much else to do but sleep. Once she decided to sleep, she had to be physically ON me. She would have her head on my chest, her body on my body and her arms wrapped around me. It was the only way she would let herself relax. Once she fell asleep I could roll her off of me and on to the bed, and she would sleep for a decent nap.

After awhile we transitioned from doing this in my bed into doing it in her bed (which works if you don't have a child in a crib). Some days she really "fought" going to sleep and it took awhile to get her to settle down, but she always gave up and went to sleep.

The challenge with this was to keep the other kids quiet and out of the room. I usually put on a video or TV show and then promised to do something fun with them when I was done getting Belane to sleep.

Eventually as she got more secure, Belane fell asleep faster and faster, and needed less and less physical contact with me to fall asleep. It took about three or four months for her to be able to go to sleep with a hug and a kiss like everybody else.

Traci, my advice to you would be:

- Keep things quiet, calm, dark and peaceful at nap time to help him feel safe and to encourage sleep.

- Lay down quietly either in a bed with him or on the floor next to his crib. Either read a book, listen to your IPOD or take a nap yourself, but do not interact with him much. You want to send the message that it is time for sleep (not time to play).

- If he is very fearful and clingy, you may want to try carrying him in a backpack carrier or hip carrier. I love the fleece pouch from Kangaroo Korner and many families swear by the Ergo Carrier. Your walking usually lulls the baby to sleep, and the physical contact is very reassuring. You could also try letting him lay very close to you (or if he is like Belane, even on top of you!)

- Consider trying to get him to take one longer nap instead of two naps. A lot of kids switch to just one nap around a year old, and if it is a big struggle to get him down, it might be easier to just do it once. (And if he is on the verge of not really needing two naps, that could be making him less tired at nap time).

- Be creative if you have to.

- And of course, remember that this will get better and he will settle in. :)



Sleep and Adopted Children Part One

Sleep and Adopted Children Part Two

Sleep and Adopted Children Part Three

Sleep and Adopted Children - Part Four

Sleep and Adopted Children - Part Five

Sleep and Adopted Children - Part Six

*Picture from Liquid Library