In my last post I wrote about some of the reasons why sleep can be a challenging issue for parents of newly adopted children.

In this post, I am going to offer some suggestions to help ensure that you and your child get as much sleep as possible in your early days together.

- Know what you child is used to, and as much as possible, make things familiar. Is your child used to sleeping with several other children in his bed? If so, he may sleep better in a room and/or bed with a sibling or with you, than he would in a room all alone. Is he used to sleeping in a noisy environment? Is he used to sleeping in a crib? Is he used to sleeping on a mat on the floor? Is he used to sleeping in a family bed? Lights on or off? What time does he go to bed and how long does he sleep? Does he take naps?

If you know what your child is used to in regards to sleep, it will help you recreate things and make a gradual transition to how, where and when you would like him to sleep.

- Keep a predictable bed time. Kids like life to be predictable, and when they know what to expect and what will happen next, they feel calmer and more peaceful. Keep your bedtime routine fairly simple and predictable, and it will help your child settle down at night. A simple routine is also a good idea for nap time.

- If you have other kids, let your new child watch how they go to bed. When Belane came home, it helped her a lot to watch and participate in family prayers, and then to watch Josh and I tuck each of the kids into bed, give a hug and a kiss and say goodnight. When she was ready, she fell right into the routine.

- Know that you may have to do things differently at first than you plan or would like. I recommend having a short term goal (getting as much sleep as possible and working towards healthy sleep habits) and a long term goal, such as getting your child to sleep happily all night in his own bed.

For example, it worked well for us to let two of our bio sons "cry it out" when they needed (for the good of all involved) to learn how to fall asleep on their own. However, I would never have even considered letting Belane or any of our other adopted children cry it out. Our bio sons knew we were there. They were securely attached to us. They were in their familiar home and surroundings. They had not lived through any losses or trauma. With a newly adopted child, things are very different, and so your strategies must be different as well.

- Don't start any habits to get your child to sleep that you don't want to stick with for awhile. Many parents, in desperation, have loaded a child up into the car and driven around and around the block to try and get their child to sleep, but unless you want to go for a drive every night, this isn't a good idea with a newly adopted child. Be consistent, stick to a routine and don't try anything that you aren't going to be willing to stick with for at least a few weeks or months.

- Build healthy attachment. Many sleep issues resolve as a child builds healthy attachment with their family. Kids that are anxiously attached often need to be close to their parents day and night, but as they become less anxious, they become more comfortable sleeping in their own space and sleeping all night.

- Consider having your child sleep with you in your bed, or on the floor next to your bed. Some parents enjoy having their children sleep with them anyway, so this would be an easy decision. But even families who do not normally allow their children to sleep with them often find that it is the only way to get some sleep in their early days home.

A similar solution is having a parent sleep with the child in his bed. This can work because it helps the child gets used to his own room and bed.

- If you are not a big fan of having to sleep in your child's room or having him sleep in your bed, consider having your child sleep with a sibling. This is especially helpful for kids who are used to life in an orphanage, where they usually sleep with many kids in a room, and sometimes even several kids in a bed. Having a sibling nearby could be just the comfort that your child needs.

- If your baby is waking regularly for night feedings, talk to your doctor about whether or not your baby still needs the nutrition of night feedings. If the doc doesn't feel that they are necessary, a good way to start weaning your baby from these night feedings is to gradually dilute the formula you are offering at night. When it gets down to mostly water or all water, he will likely decide it isn't worth waking up for.

- Ignore advice from those that mean well but don't know what they are talking about. There are lots of people who will tell you how to get your child to sleep, and most of them won't know a thing about adoption issues. So if your mom or your mother-in-law or your neighbor offer up advice but don't really know anything about attachment, smile and listen, and then forget it.

- Listen to your instincts. You will know what your child needs. You will know when he really needs you to be there all night. You will know when he is ready to sleep in his own bed. You will know when he doesn't really need night feedings any more and should be sleeping all night. You will know if/when it is ok to let your child cry some (or not). Trust your instincts.


More reading on sleep and adoption:

Sleep and Adopted Children Part Four

Sleep and Adopted Children Part Five

Sleep and Adopted Children Part Six