In my last post, I wrote about how difficult the waiting can be in adoption. Whether your wait for a referral is long or short, it is sure to be an anxious time. Whether your wait to travel is long or short, it is sure to be very challenging as you wait to be united with your child.

So how do you survive all that waiting?

Here are some tips.

- Remind yourself (frequently) that it will all be worth it once your child is home.

- Read! Read books on attachment and bonding. Read books and articles (and blogs!) on what to expect when your new child comes home. Read books about adoptive parenting. I know many adoptive parents that buy the books and put them on a shelf and plan to read them “at some point” when their child is home, and I am here to tell you that once your child is home, you are not going to have time.

Use the time while you are waiting to prepare yourself to be the best possible parent for your child.

- Use retail therapy (in moderation). It is so much fun to shop for your new child, and it is a great way to feel like you are doing something to prepare for him to come home. However, remember that you usually have to “guess” at clothing sizes, and many newly adopted children grow very rapidly in their first few months home. Have fun shopping, but don’t go TOO overboard. ?

- Start working on your child’s lifebook. This is another thing that often falls into the category of “hard to find time to do” once your child is home.

- Spend extra time with your spouse (if you are married) and enjoy doing some couple things together (especially if you are becoming first time parents). Adding a new child to the family can be stressful on a marriage and there often isn’t a lot of one on one time in the beginning for mom and dad. Take advantage of the time while you have it to strengthen your marriage.

- Make a great packing list and start preparing for your adoption trip. Oftentimes once you get “the call” that you can travel, things become very hectic and hurried. Use the waiting time to prepare for your trip so that when it is time to go, you don’t have to stress about getting everything in order.

- If you have other kids, enjoy doing some one on one things with them and spending some extra special time with them. Be sure to talk to them about their feelings about the adoption and explain to them what to expect when their new sibling comes home.

- If you are adopting internationally, learning some of the language of your child is another great way to pass the time.

- Work on a project for your child. I know parents who have refinished furniture, quilted a blanket, redone the child's bedroom, etc. Keeping busy and doing something for your child are both helpful ways to handle the wait. I personall,y clean and organize like a wild woman!!

- Gather donations. If you are traveling internationally, many agencies ask their adoptive families to bring donations for the orphanages in their luggage, because shipping supplies is typically expensive and unreliable. Ask your agency for a list and enjoy gathering things to donate.

- Connect with other adoptive parents. Having a support group in place before your child arrives is a valuable resource, and it is always helfpul to talk to parents who really understand what you are going through and who have survived it themselves.