A friend of mine, Susan, recently asked me for my opinion on something that happened at her house. One of Susan’s daughters has a friend who has been adopted from China. This little girl was at their house recently and said she was “so lucky” to have been adopted.
Susan said that the comment made her a little uncomfortable and she asked me what I thought of parents who told their adopted kids that they were “lucky.” She wanted to know if I had ever told my kids that they were lucky.
Now, I understand that the in today’s adoption parlance, most adoptive parents say that when it comes to “luck” it is the parents who are the lucky ones. But when Susan asked me if I had ever told my kids that they were lucky, I had to be honest, because the truth is that I HAVE told my kids that I thought they were lucky. But the conversation and the explanation didn’t stop there. I broke down the notion of luck:
Is my older daughter lucky that her first mother died?
Is my younger daughter lucky that she never knew her first mother?
Were my daughters lucky that they don’t live in the culture they were born into?
Of course not!
But were my daughters lucky that I adopted them?
Yes…. I told them why just like I am going to tell you now.
My kids are lucky because I love them unconditionally. Not all kids, whether they have been adopted or not, have that. So they should feel fortunate. My kids are also lucky because I am on their side. Again, not all children have that and so they shouldn’t take that for granted. And finally, I have told all three of my kids at various times that they are fortunate because I believe in them.
They are remarkable and inspiring children and I am privileged (and lucky!) that I get to be their mom.
