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Hair… Hair is one of the big issues when it comes to transracial adoption, especially if the child you are adopting is black. Black cultures take great pride in their hair and in their children’s hair, and caring for black hair properly and styling it well takes practice, which is something us white ladies usually don’t have a lot of.
To be perfectly honest, when we were waiting for Marcus (our African American baby boy) to be born, we weren’t completely sure he would be a boy, and I secretly hoped that he would, so I would not have to worry about learning how to do a little black girl’s hair. Well, three months later God had a good belly laugh as he blessed us with Mercy and Des, who at that time were 9 and 6 years old, and had a whole lot of black hair for me to learn how to care for. Talk about getting baptized with fire!
On one of their very first days with us one of them asked me, “Mom, do you know how to do hair?” Ummmmmmmm……not exactly.
My early attempts left a lot to be desired, and my sweet girls did their best to build my confidence, “It looks good Mom…” (even when it clearly did not). I learned what products worked well, how often to wash it, what styles looked good and lasted long, etc.
I am proud to say that now, two years later, I get constant compliments on my girls’ hair, from black ladies and white ladies. I even get genuine compliments from my girls, which truth be told, is what matters most to me.
Today we had a lot of fun doing their hair with some new “hair snaps” we bought. The snaps can take the place of a rubber band at the bottom of a braid or twist which is faster, easier and more gentle on the hair. I also used the snaps to “decorate” the top of the braids, which the girls just love! Des did hers in black flowers with “colored jewels” and Mercy chose the bright colored flowers. Both girls are detouring past mirrors frequently and Mercy was really excited to show her hair off at camp today. 
So, here are some pictures. I showed Mercy’s face so you could see how it looks from the front (the bright colors show up better in the pictures) and I am showing the top of Des’s head to see how pretty that looks (please know Des’s face is just as pretty as her sister’s!)
If you are interested in purchasing some snaps they are cheap and fun and easy to use. One place that you can buy them is at Snapaholics, where they are being sold by a mom as a fundraiser for her Haiti adoption.
My advice if you are new at all this hair stuff, is to enjoy it. Doing hair is a fun time for me and my girls, and I time that is great for bonding. If I can learn how to do it, anybody can. For more info on transracial adoption and hair care, you can read one of my earlier posts here. 
I’ve seen some adorable boy styles, too – braids and short, spikey, little dreads – do you have any resources for fun boy stuff too, beyond just a short cut?
I can recommend the Yahoo adoptive hair care group. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/adoptionhair_skincare/ There are lots of resources on there and many ladies do really cute things with their boys’ hair.
The book “It’s All Good Hair” has some cute boy styles too.
Right now I have one son (almost 6) fighting awful dry scalp, and keeping his hair short makes it easier to treat his head.
My other black son is 2, and I am lucky to get a diaper and clothes on him…there is no way he’d ever let me do his hair. So his stays short.
As they get older though it would be fun!
Hair has always personally been an issue for me, so when we found out that we would be adopting an AA daughter, my first thought shear fear over her hair!!! Actually, last night I got the “wild idea” that it may be long enough (she’s 10 mos) for a puff. It was long enough and when I put that 1st puff in I just kept saying to her….you are so beautiful. I had no idea she could be any more beautiful that what she already was w/ her baby afro.
I say all this to say I had a BALL putting puffs in her hair. Once I did one puff, I just “had” to do more. She ended up w/ 6 puffs and one long braid in the back. How’s that for her 1st official style? It may not have looked fantastic, but it was more fun than I could have ever imagined!
PS. To those of you who are experiencing dry scalps, I was told to wash an AA child’s hair w/ conditioner only. The conditioners actually have a slight cleansing agent in them. It works like a dream for me. NO dry scalp flakes!
Well being black and being adopted by a white couple. My mother took the time to go to hair school to learn how to do my sister and I’s hair. And just to let you know, you don’t wash a black child’s hair with just conditioner, whoever told you that is crazy. You wash a black child’s hair with SHAMPOO just like a white child. There is shampoo especially made for black children, the regular shampoo works fine also. After washing the hair you have to use a conditioner. I use a regular conditioner for black hair and then a child’s leave in conditioner which adds managability. For dry scalp you have many choices. You can grease the scalp (TCB, Blue Magic, sulfer), the sulfer works best but it has a smell that is not favorable. You can get the hair lotion and rub it on the scalp as well.
I would suggest for a black baby to at least until age 1 using only baby lotion on their hair.
The easiest thing for boys hair is to keep it cut short but you still have the choice to do braids. To find a lot of black hair products you have to venture out and go to the hair stores usually in black neighbor hoods to get the proper items. Sallys have african american products but not usually a big selection.
Thank you for the great resources! Being that I only have my son right now, I keep his hair pretty short. I anticipate that I’ll do the same with my new son. My daughter, however, has very loooong hair & is has a tender head (which I remember well from my own days growing up as a bi-racial child living with her Caucasian mom!)