As I have been writing about and thinking about "new additions" a lot lately, I thought that I would share some of our experiences and some of the lessons we have learned with bringing home our new additions.

One of the things that Belane taught me early on is that you have to be a parent from day one. While it is important to remember all that these kids are going through and you're definitely going to be more lenient than usual, you also need to establish yourself as the parent, even though it will likely result in your child rebelling.

On day three of having Belane with us we went to lunch. I had a bag of animal crackers to keep her happy while we waited. She was holding the bag and happily picking out the crackers, and then all of a sudden she decided that she wanted to dump the bag out.

Since it was a big bag and not the cleanest table, I took a few crackers out for her and put them on a napkin. She grabbed the bag back and continue to try and dump it out. I told her "no" nicely, and showed her she could take a cracker out of the bag or off of the napkin, but couldn't dump the bag all over herself, the table, the floor, etc.

Well, when she realized I wasn't going to let her dump out this bag of snacks, she threw the snacks down, climbed out of her chair, walked over to the table across the aisle from us and sat down with the ladies having lunch!

My other kids often "visited" with people when they were young and out in public, but this was not her being friendly (as the ladies thought), this was her ditching us for someone "new", and someone that would let her do whatever she wanted. While she sat there scowling at me in the lady's lap, I went over and picked her up.

She started to scream and wail, and I just carried her out and walked around with her until she calmed down. Eventually we went back and sat down at the table and ate lunch.

She had similar reactions any time I told her "no" during that first week, whether it was "no more candy", "don't jump on the bed" or "don't put that in the toilet".

Her moods recovered more and more quickly though, and eventually she "got it" that I was the boss so to speak, but that just because I said "no" didn't mean I did not love her.

Kids in orphanages often get used to getting what they want when they make a stink (because it is easier to keep everybody quiet than to teach them right and wrong), and with multiple orphanage workers, kids can often can get what they want from one nanny if another one says no. On top of that, they are used to visitors doting on them.

While your new child needs to know how much you love him, how much fun you can be and that you are safe for them to love and trust, they also need to know that you are a parent, and that there will be limits enforced.

It was definitely heart-breaking for me to watch Belane walk off and ditch us over an un-spilled bag of crackers, but I think it would have been much more difficult (and much more confusing for her) if I had allowed her to do every crazy toddler thing that entered her brain for a few days, weeks or months, and then started trying to enforce rules and limits.

I can also say that while it made for a rotten hour or two, that our relationship got stronger after that incident, as she saw that I was going to take care of her and she could not scare me off by acting like a little stinker. :)

So, we learned that as tempting as it is to be a total softy with a new child, it is important to establish yourself as the parent. Lesson learned!