Another important lesson that Josh and I have learned through our adoptions is that communication is super important. If your transracial adoption is an international adoption (as many are) and English is not your child's primary language, I strongly suggest that you spend some time learning some phrases and words in your child's first language.

Now, I am certainly not saying that you need to go out and buy a course in learning how to speak another language and become completely fluent. Honestly, the most effective and useful words for you to learn are short and sweet, because what will be the most helpful for you to learn is "kid words".

When we brought Amanda home from Korea at almost age two, our adoption agency had given us a list of "kid words" in Korean (that I admit we did not study). We figured that at her age Amanda would not be speaking much anyway, and that communication would not be a big issue. Wrong!

On her first day home when we were trying to show her that she should sit in the booster seat at the table, and then I remembered that "sit" was one of the words on that list and I ran to get it. I told her "sit" and "eat" in Korean, and she completely understood me and willingly sat down. That list became my friend, and while we certainly did not have any in depth conversations in Korean, it was hugely helpful for me to be able to ask her if she was hungry or tell her it was time for sleep in a familiar language.

With Benjamin, (who came home from Ethiopia at five and a half years old) we had learned our lesson. I practiced a long list of "kid words" in Amharic, and while he laughed and teased about my clearly less than impressive pronunciation, it got the job done, and some challenging situations were made much easier because of some basic communication.

Here are some words and phrases I recommend you learn how to say before your child is placed with you.

- Are you hungry?
- Are you thirsty?
- Do you have to go to the bathroom?
- I love you.
- Sit down.
- Yes.
- No.
- Don't touch.
- Come here.
- Please and Thank You
- Stop!
- Eat.
- Time for bed (or time for sleep).
- All done (or all gone).
- Wait/be patient/just a minute
- Be careful.


It is also useful to know the words for clothing and shoes, some basic foods, some common body parts and some simple numbers. Every night I had this battle with Belane over the hard candies that the ladies at the Hilton would give her. Finally I told her, "One!" in Amharic, and she understood that she could eat one candy at a time.

When trying to decide what you need to know, imagine what you would say to a child that age the most often throughout the day and go from there.

If you are not great at memorizing the words, try making a few copies of a list and keeping them in useful places around the house, so when you need to say something you can find the word or phrase you need quickly.

Learning some basic words and phrases in your child's first language can be a huge help in your early days together.

* Photo from Liquid Library