While many of the lessons that Josh and I have learned through our transracial adoptions have been lessons in parenting and in life, some have been more personal. For me, one of the biggest lessons I have learned (and am still learning) is that I have very little control over the process (and that I do not enjoy not having any control over such an important thing).

Adoptive parents do have control over certain aspects of the process. The agency and program that you choose, how quickly you get your paperwork done, how timely you pay your adoption expenses, what age and gender child you ask for, etc. are all things that you can control.

However every adoption reaches a point where the paperwork is done (for the time) for the adoptive parents, and the entire process is turned over to someone else. At that point you lose all control over the process (the little bit that you had), and all of the control is in the hands of your adoption agency, social workers, parents (in the case of domestic adoptions), foreign governments (in the case of international adoptions) and all sorts of other people, from the person who translates your dossier to the judge that approves the case.

All of this waiting and entrusting others can be really challenging, especially once you have a referral and a specific child you are aching to get home. The process is often complicated by the fact that delays, hang-ups and other "bumps" are the norm in adoption and things rarely go as quickly as the adoptive parents want it to.

I am a planner. I like things to be scheduled, organized and planned. I really dislike "unknowns", especially in regards to big, important things, and to be completely honest, if you haven't noticed, I am not the most patient gal around.

I can do my paperwork in record time, I can check in with my agency to ensure that they are on top of things at critical steps in the process and I can obsess over details, and yet in the end, I have learned that I just don't have much of any control over the process.

Sometimes things take longer than you expect. Sometimes things go faster than you expect. Sometimes referrals fall through. Sometimes adoptions fall through. Sometimes things go really, surprisingly smoothly and sometimes something totally unexpected causes delays.

I cannot really complain because all of our adoptions have gone relatively smoothly and we have always been able to get our kids home (while maybe not as fast as I would like) in a fairly short period of time. I have many friends who have had very difficult adoptions that have drug out for very long periods of time and I wonder how they keep their chins up some days.

Adoption will definitely teach you how to go through a huge, life-changing experience and accept (you don't have to like it, but you do have to accept it) that you have little to no control over the process. I can say that when you have a chosen an adoption agency and an adoption program that you have faith in, it is a lot easier to turn over that control and wait for your child without making yourself totally nuts. :)

* Picture from Liquid Library